The 9th Wonder
by Sigh-cology
Summary: Mark finally finds someone! And it's not someone... typical. Can't explain further. Warning- it's really long! Please read and review- no flames please. New writer so pls. be kind. LAST CHAPTER UP
1. Ch. 1 An Act of Fate

Disclaimer: Only Karalynn belongs to me- all other characters belong to Jonathan Larson! Enjoy!  
  
Ch. 1- An Act of Fate  
  
Mark walked hurriedly down the street, looking down at his camera, trying to figure out what was wrong with it. For almost an hour, his camera had been blinking off and on at odd moments; particularly in the middle of filming important shots and it was beginning to piss him off.   
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he muttered under his breath. He wiggled a switch back and forth and for a moment, the red light flickered on. But then it faded back to black and Mark swore in frustration.  
He was about to put the cap back over the lens when he suddenly fell backwards, onto the cold concrete ground, hard. For a minute he lay there, stunned. Flakes of cold snow fell on his face and he stared at the gray sky, blinking.  
What the fuck just happened? he thought. He turned his head and saw his camera laying next to his head. The sight of it made him sit up and reach for it.  
"Oh shit!" he heard a harsh, angry voice cry out. He looked up from his camera and felt himself shrink into his jacket and scarf.  
Kneeling down in front of him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was picking up what seemed to be dozens of papers, scattered all over the snow covered streets. Her long black hair whipped in the wind behind her and she absentmindedly brushed some stray hairs away from her smooth, pale face.   
"I.. I'm so sorry." he muttered. "I wasn't looking where I was going and I must have bumped into..."  
She looked up at his voice and glared at him. Her large, almond shaped eyes were a startling shade of gray and they flashed with anger. "Christ, I know what happened!" she snapped. "Now are you gonna just sit there and gawk at me or are you gonna help me pick up these papers before they get wet?!"  
Matt scampered to his knees, setting his camera down carefully next to him, and picked up as many papers as he could. He looked up again and handed them to the very angry woman in front of him. She grabbed them from him and stuffed them back into the black leather briefcase she was holding.   
She stood up, ignoring the hand he held out to her and looked down at her shirt. Mark was horrified at what he saw. In front of her crisp white polo was a very large, very obvious, dark brown coffee stain. An empty coffee cup lay on its side next to her boots.   
"Oh my God." he said, stunned. Her gray eyes followed his gaze and grew wide.   
"Oh no way." she said in a low voice. "No way. No fucking way!"  
"I am so sorry..." Mark began but then her face contorted with fury and she looked up at him. Mark had seen the crazed look in her eyes before. It was the same look Roger would give him right before he...  
"You asshole!"  
...yelled at him.  
Mark took a step back and then braced himself for the flurry of words that he knew was headed his way.  
He wasn't disappointed.  
"You fucking, clumsy ass jerk!" she yelled. "I have to get to a meeting with my senior advisor in twenty minutes so he can review my thesis paper, which you so nicely picked up out of order, and now I'll be late because I have to change because you weren't looking where you were going!"  
Mark winced. He peeked at her. "Are you done?" he asked meekly.  
Her head snapped up at him and he could almost hear her hiss at him. "You ruined what could be the most important day of my graduate career." she said. She looked back down at her shirt and shook her head. "God, I hope something falls on your head today."  
She turned to leave but Mark grabbed her arm. "Wait. Miss.. uh.." he stammered. She stopped and stared at his hand on her arm. He let go and took a step back.  
"Look, I feel really bad." he said. "I live up the street. I, uh, I mean my roommate's girlfriend probably has a shirt in your size. Her tastes might not be as.. um, conservative as yours but you might be able to get to your appointment on time." He took a deep breath and held it as she seemed to consider his offer.  
She looked at him, up and down and then sighed. "Well, you look harmless enough." she said finally and Mark let out his breath. He picked up his camera and then gestured down the street in the opposite direction.   
"Our loft is this way." he said. She rolled her eyes and followed him.  
They both walked briskly, in silence for a few moments and Mark was able to steal sidelong glances at his companion.  
She was definitely beautiful and not just in the classic sense. She could have been a movie star for all he knew but there was something different about her. Her face was a study in contrasts. Dark red full lips, set against porcelain perfect white skin framed with raven black hair. And her eyes.... her eyes were the color of silver coins, the color of granite, of an overcast sky on a rainy day. They matched almost perfectly with her knee length gray skirt.   
Mark fought the urge to bring his camera up to his eyes and capture her on film. As they walked down the street, Mark noticed that the strangers that passed them craned their necks to look at her. But she didn't seem to notice, or if she did- she didn't care. Her jaw was set in anger and she looked straight ahead even though she didn't know where she was headed.  
"So.. you're a grad student?" he asked. "MA?"  
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Ph.d' she said coldly.   
"NYU?"  
"Correct."  
Mark felt numb. She's pretty and smart. Great. he thought. This is probably the last time I'll see her again.  
"Oh." Mark said. "Uh, I'm Mark, by the way."  
"Karalynn." she said briskly.  
"That's a.. uh, pretty name."  
She threw him an incredulous look, as if she couldn't believe the line he just gave her. "It's a name."  
"Right." Mark stopped in front of his building but Karalynn kept walking.  
"Uh, Karalynn?" he called out. Karalynn turned around and Mark pointed up.  
"This is it." he said. She looked up, taking it in and looked back at him, confused.  
"You actually... live in this?" she said. He nodded, feeling his own pale cheeks burn with shame. He knew how badly it must have looked in her eyes. Judging from her clothing, her leather briefcase and her tone- she was wealthy. Well, wealthier than him at least.   
He ran his fingers through his dirty, spiky blonde hair and offered her a crooked smile. "Home sweet home?"  
She followed Mark up the stairs, matched him stride for stride with her long legs and waited impatiently as he nervously jiggled his key in the lock. He glanced over at her and smiled. "This happens every winter. When it gets cold and wet like this, the lock gets rusty and...."  
"Just open it."  
He finally got the door open, almost having to kick it down and she followed him in. The weight of her gaze was heavy as she explored his home and he watched her fretfully.   
"You live here." she said. "Seriously?"  
"It's not much but I wouldn't trade it in for anything." he said sincerely. She glanced at him oddly and for a moment, a flicker of amusement crossed her face. It disappeared like smoke in the wind.  
"Okay. I really don't have all day." she said crossly. Mark put his camera down on the kitchen table and snapped to action.  
"Right. The shirt. Mimi's clothes are in Roger's room. Hold on." he said, running across the room to Roger's bedroom.   
Mark sighed as he flung open the door. Roger's room was, well, a disaster area. Clothes covered almost every surface and Mark couldn't tell Roger's clothing from Mimi's. Okay, shit. Mark thought, panicking,  
She's gonna rip out my heart if I don't come up with something. Come on, Cohen, think!  
He walked back outside and took a deep breath for courage. "Okay, I can't find anything in there that you might be able to wear but...."  
Mark suddenly saw the crazed look return to her eyes and he bit his lip, ready for another attack.  
But then he was saved.  
He could have cried for joy.  
Roger walked in.  
"Hey Mark, I ..." Roger's blue eyes took a quick inventory of Karalynn and he froze. "Whoa... Sorry buddy. I didn't know you had company. I'll go down to Mimi's and..."  
Karalynn whirled around and stomped towards the door. "No, he doesn't have company." she snapped. "In fact, now I'm gonna be a good thirty minutes late to my appointment thanks to your clumsy retard of a roommate!"  
"Hey wait a minute you stuck up..." Roger began and put down his guitar case, ready to start battle. Mark knew he had to stop them both before they killed each other.  
"Karalynn! I have an idea!" he yelled over their voices. Both Roger and Karalynn stopped and turned towards Mark. "I have a clean white polo you might be able to wear. I mean, it'll probably be a little big on you but at least you'll get to your appointment on time."  
She seemed to consider it for a moment and he knew her temper had been curbed when she took a step back towards him.   
"Fine." she said. "Where is it?"  
Mark grinned and gestured to his room. "I'll run in and get it and you can change in my room."  
She nodded and he ran in his bedroom, quickly searching through his closet until he found the coveted white polo. It was all the way in back of his closet. He frantically brushed off invisible lint with his hand and ran back outside.   
Before he could say a word, Karalynn grabbed it out of his hand and walked into his room, slamming the door shut.   
Mark looked at Roger.  
"What a fucking bitch." Roger exclaimed.  
"Shhh!" Mark said, holding his finger up to his lips. "Shit, Roger, did you see her shirt? I did that. I ran into her and made her spill her coffee all over herself. This is the least I could..."  
"Yeah right, Mark." Roger hissed. "Of course you ignored the fact that she's a complete bitch. So she has a pretty face- was that enough to make you lose your fucking mind?"  
"Hey, Karalynn being gorgeous had nothing to do with..."  
"It's too big but it'll do."   
Mark turned around, almost losing his balance. Karalynn stood in his doorway, wearing his white shirt. It hung loosely on her shoulders and floated around her waist.   
"I'll come back here and give it back to you as soon as my meeting is over." she said. "I'll leave my shirt here as collateral. I should be back in an hour."  
"Um, sounds great." Mark said. She gave him another strange look and held her briefcase up to her chest, almost like a shield as she walked past him.  
"Right." she said. She threw Roger an angry look and he glowered at her before she closed their door behind her.  
Mark listened to the sound of her steps on their creaky old stairs and turned around to face Roger when they disappeared altogether.  
"Explain." Roger said. Mark picked up his camera and sat down on top of the table.  
"I was walking to the park cuz I wanted to film some shots of the snow coming down on the trees. I was trying to fix this damn thing and... well, ran into Karalynn. That's her name." Mark said. "You saw her shirt.. what I did... so I told her she could borrow my roommate's girlfriend's shirt... one of Mimi's and that's how she ended up here."  
"Uh huh." Roger said, crossing his arms across his chest. His blue eyes studied Mark's face. Mark's normally pale cheeks were flushed and his blue eyes behind his thick glasses were dark and...  
"Holy shit." Roger said, his lips curving up in a smile. "I never believed in love at first sight but..."  
Mark looked at him, confused at first before he realized what Roger meant.   
"No." he said, sitting up. "I am not in love with... Roooger!" he whined. "I just met.."  
Roger laughed and crashed on the couch, opening his guitar case. He lifted the precious instrument, holding it lovingly before setting it down on his lap.   
"Mark, she's a snob. Forget about her." he said, tuning his guitar. "I mean, even I have to admit, she's a pretty snob, a little on the thin side but pretty. But not as sexy as Mimi. Hell, no one is as sexy as Mimi...."  
Mark smiled at him and looked back down at his camera. "Well, I think Karalynn is beautiful." he said quietly.   
"What is it with you and cruel women?" Roger chuckled, not looking up. "First Maureen the drama queen. Now Karalynn, the.."  
"NYU grad student out to get her Ph.d" Mark finished for him. Roger looked up and whistled.  
"Okay so she's a smart snob." Roger said. "She's a mean snob. She's a cute snob. She's still a SNOB!"  
Mark rolled his eyes and looked back down at his camera. Roger went back to tuning his guitar but looked up when he heard Mark laugh out loud.  
"She did it." Mark said. "I can't believe this."  
"The snob did what?"  
Mark ignored Roger's comment and looked up.  
"She fixed my camera." Mark said, sounding amazed. He held up the now perfectly working camera for Roger to see. "If I hadn't run into her my camera would have still been broken."  
"So you think this is an act of fate?" Roger asked in disbelief.  
Mark shrugged but his smile gave him away.  
  
Three hours later, Mark woke up to hear a loud pounding on the door.  
He looked up and scratched his eyes. He had fallen asleep on top of the table. He glanced over to where Roger had been and found that he was gone.   
Probably at Mimi's place, he thought sleepily.   
"Hello?" A female voice called out from behind the door. Mark stared at it for a moment, wondering who could be knocking at their front door. Everyone Roger and Mark knew had a key.  
Mark sat up and jumped off of the table. He yawned as he walked over to the door and opened it.  
As soon as he saw who it was, he straightened up.  
"Karalynn!" he exclaimed.   
She stood in front of him and blinked. "I'm sorry I'm late." she said. Her voice sounded strangely subdued now. "My meeting ran a little late."  
Mark opened the door wider and stepped aside. "Come in." he said. "It's okay. I wasn't going anywhere today anyway."  
She walked in and looked at him with her large gray eyes. She was like almost like a doll, he thought, once again struck by her beauty. Her face was child like and clear.  
"Liar." she said.  
"Huh?"  
She put her briefcase down on the table next to his camera and looked up at him. "You were on your way somewhere this morning." she said.  
He stuck his hands in his pockets and stood across from her. "Yeah but it wasn't important." he said honestly. "I just wanted to get some shots of the park in January."  
She looked down at his camera. "You're a filmmaker?"  
He smiled slightly and shrugged. "Not a very successful one." he muttered. "Or for that matter, a good one."  
She smiled slightly at him and he realized it was the first time he had seen her smile. "I guess sometimes, we are our own worst critics." she said quietly.  
They stared at each other for an awkward amount of time and Mark finally looked away.  
"So how'd your meeting go?" he asked, staring at her briefcase. "Were you late?"  
"Only by five minutes." She looked around the loft again. "My advisor spent two hours reading my entire paper. Do you know how it feels to have someone analyze your work, right in front of you?"  
He looked at her and nodded. "Yeah. Actually I do." he said, "It's nerve wrecking."   
He thought about all the times he had shown film companies his films and gotten turned down before it had even ended on the screen.  
She smiled again.  
"So how'd you do?" Mark asked. "On your paper. What'd your advisor say?"  
"He said it was a brilliant piece of work." she said. "As usual."   
For some reason she looked melancholy as she said it.  
"Oh that's great right?" Mark said, raising his voice.   
She slowly turned her face back towards him. "Sure, yeah." she said dully.   
"So what's your doctoral gonna be in?"  
"Psychology." She gestured at a chair. "Can I sit down? It's been a long day and..."  
"Of course!" Mark watched as she sat down. Her face was stamped with weariness and Mark wondered what it would be like to touch her face. He sat down next to her and stared at his camera again.   
He didn't know what to say. His mouth felt as dry and as coarse as a desert and he was sure his heart was beating so hard, Karalynn could hear it. He glanced at her. She was staring at her briefcase intently.  
"I'm really sorry about your shirt."   
Karalynn looked at him and blinked. She looked back down at his shirt and sat up.  
"Shit, I almost forgot. This is yours." she muttered.   
"It's cool, you can wear it home." he said. "It's not like I'm gonna need it anytime soon."   
"Not a big on playing dress up, right?"  
"Right."  
"Do you think the stain will come out?"  
She shrugged. "Coffee on silk." she said. "Who knows, maybe if the laundry gods smile down on me.."  
"Look, I'm really sorry." he said again. "I'll pay for the dry cleaning charges and if it doesn't come out, I'll buy you a new one."  
She arched her eyebrow at him and crossed her arms. "The shirt is from Barney's."   
Mark gulped. A shirt from there would cost more than... well, more than he could afford.   
And then she laughed, startling him. "Hey, you know what? It's not that big of a deal. It's just a shirt." she said. "And it was an accident. I'm sorry for blowing up at you like that this morning. I have a really bad temper and..."  
"It's cool." Mark said. "My roommate, Roger, has a worse temper. Uh, not that I'm saying you have a bad temper ... um... shit, never mind."  
She smiled at him. "You guys are close?" she asked. Her face seemed to soften as they spoke and he wanted to keep her talking.  
"Bestfriends since high school." he said. Mark glanced out the window and gestured towards it. "Hey look, the sun's going down."  
Karalynn turned around and stood up. "I should be going home." she muttered. "It'll get dark soon and it's snowing pretty heavily now..."  
Mark stood up and felt his heart sink. "Yeah, you're right."   
He watched as Karalynn walked into his room and walked out, holding her shirt. She picked up her briefcase and looked at him.   
"It was nice meeting you, Mark." she said, holding out one slim, delicate hand. He shook her hand and hesitated before letting it go.  
"Um, hey, do you wanna get a cup of coffee sometime?" he asked, surprising himself. Christ, I hope she doesn't belt me, he thought.   
She looked at him and Mark forced himself not to look away. "You can even throw it on my shirt if you want."  
She finally gave him the smile he had been hoping to see again.   
"Promise?"  
He laughed. "Yeah, I promise. I'll even film it and give you a copy if you want."   
"I'm pretty busy during the week..."  
"Tomorrow's Saturday." he said, a little too eagerly. He felt his cheeks burn and he wanted to close his eyes so he couldn't see her face as she said...  
"Okay." she said. He stared at her as she pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket and wrote something down on it. She handed it to him and Mark stared at it in disbelief.   
Her number.  
She had given him her number.  
Before he could force himself to speak, she turned around and walked out of the door.  
Once again, he listened to the sound of her footsteps as they disappeared down the stairwell.  
He sat back down on his chair and smiled to himself.   
"An act of fate?" he said to himself in empty loft. "Maybe. Maybe."  
Mark hoped so. 


	2. Ch. 2 Meet the Family

Disclaimer: Only Karalynn belongs to me- everyone else belongs to Jonathan Larson. This is a little longer than I would have liked it to be so I apologize in advance for it's length! Keep the reviews coming... and thank you so much for reading this!  
  
  
Ch. 2- Meet the Family  
  
Mark looked around the cafe, nervously tugging at his scarf.   
She said 3:00, he thought anxiously, or was it 3:30? Shit Cohen.. Shit!  
He tapped his fingers on his camera and looked up at the clock again. It was 2:50pm.   
He had been at the Life Cafe since 2:45, the butterflies in his stomach making him run out of his door at breakneck speed. He didn't want to be late. Karalynn seemed like the type of person to show up early.  
He glanced up at the clock again and sighed. 2:51.  
He allowed his mind to wander as he waited. The sound of her voice a few hours ago echoed in his mind and he closed his eyes, letting himself relive their conversation.  
--"Uh, did I wake you?" he asked. Her voice sounded hoarse and tired when she answered the phone.  
"It's 11:00, Mark, who would be asleep at this time?" she said, sounding annoyed.   
Mark flinched at her tone and then looked back at Roger, who lay sprawled across the couch, sleeping.  
"Well, actually..." He changed the subject. "Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to get some coffee later on. I know this cool place on 10th. It's called the..."  
"Life Cafe." she finished for him. He heard a noise in the background and frowned. Was that a man's voice?  
"Yeah. You know it?"   
"I've passed by it but I've never been in." she replied. He heard her mumble something away from the receiver. "What did you say?"  
"Oh." She sounded flustered. "Nothing... that was the television. Why don't I meet you there at three this afternoon?"  
"Sure, that sounds great!" Mark said and then winced at the sound of his too eager voice fill the loft.   
"Okay, see you then." And before he could say good bye, she had already hung up the phone on him.--  
Mark opened his eyes and frowned again. Had it been a man's voice? Or was he just paranoid?   
And why should he care?  
"It's not like she's interested in me." he mumbled out loud. "I'm just trying to make up for her shirt."  
Yeah right, a voice inside his head said.   
"Oh Christ." he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Even my inner voice doesn't believe me."  
"Excuse me?" a familiar voice said behind him.  
Mark jumped up and Karalynn walked past, sitting across from him. She wore dark gray slacks and a light blue shirt, as crisp and professional looking as the one he ruined yesterday. The color brought out a strange blue tint in her eyes.   
She was more beautiful than he remembered.  
"How long have you been sitting here?" she asked, putting her coat and bag down next to her. He smiled, putting his camera down on the table.  
"Not long." he lied. He gestured to the menu in front of them. "Hungry? This is on me."  
Mark had scrounged up as much money as he could find in their loft. Luckily he had found a wad of ones in his lucky cords- just enough for a meal for two.   
Thank God this place is cheap, he thought as Karalynn's gray eyes swept over the menu.  
She looked up at him and shrugged. "You know, I'll just have that coffee you promise." she said.   
Mark waved the waiter over and Karalynn looked up, a smile suddenly appearing on her face.  
"Collins?" she said.   
Mark turned around and grinned as the tall man walked up to their booth.  
"Hey Mark." Collins said in his deep, velvety voice. He nodded at Mark and then turned his attention to Karalynn. "I see you know the stunning Miss Demerin."   
Mark looked at Karalynn as he moved over to give Collins space to sit.  
"You guys know each other?" he asked. Karalynn smiled, looking pleased.   
"I sat in on some of Collin's lectures at MIT." she said, her eyes twinkling. "Well, when he was still teaching there a few years back."   
"And I've sat in on some of Karalynn's lectures at NYU." Collins said. He winked at her. "She's  
quite brilliant but her students will tell you that her bite is worse than her bark."  
Mark gawked at Karalynn. "You teach?" he asked. "I thought you were a grad student..."  
"Yeah, I lecture at least once a month for my advisor." she said. She gestured at Collins. "I keep telling Collins to come over to NYU but he refuses. It's not radical enough for him there, I guess."  
Collins laughed and Mark was surprised when Karalynn laughed too. "One day, Miss Demerin, you'll see the value of not being in the mainstream." he said.  
Karalynn shook her head and played with the menu. "Collins, swimming in the mainstream is the only way I'll get anywhere." Her face suddenly became solemn again.  
"Not with your talent." Collins said. Though he smiled, his dark eyes grew serious. "Do you still paint?"  
Karalynn glanced at Mark and looked almost embarrassed. "I have no time." she said softly. "Besides, I only have five months to go until I reach that big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."  
Collins looked at Mark. "You should see some of her paintings, Mark. They're like your films. She can make ordinary things look as if they had been fashioned by the hands of God Himself."  
Karalynn didn't blush or look away but Mark could feel her shrinking into herself. Her face seemed suddenly as if it had been carved out of marble.  
"Thank you." she said simply.   
"So how exactly do you know each other." Collins asked Mark and Karalynn.   
Mark opened his mouth to speak when he heard a loud woman's voice cut through the air.  
"Collins! Mark!"   
Shit, Maureen, Mark thought.   
He looked up towards the entrance and saw the vivacious, curvy sprite jumping towards them. Her blonde curls seemed to form a halo around her head and she was pulling along a haggard looking Joanne.   
Maureen threw herself on Collins giving him a big hug.   
"Hey Mark! Hey you!" she exclaimed to Collins. Her cheeks were pink and her blue eyes glittered underneath the dim lights of the cafe. "How have you been, Collins? You've been missing in action again!"  
Collins laughed and made room for Maureen and Joanne to sit down  
"I have a meeting in ten minutes so I'll have to apologize in advance if I just eat and run." Joanne said to the group. Her eyes settled on Karalynn and looked confused. "You're new. Hi, I'm Joanne and this is my girlfriend, Maureen. You're......"  
Karalynn's gray eyes grew cold as she stared at Maureen. Maureen looked up and caught her staring at her. She smiled brightly and stuck out her hand.  
"Hi! You look really familiar..." she began but Karalynn stood up.   
"I know who you are." she spat out. "You're that crazy woman who staged the protest last year at the NYU lab!"  
Maureen's blue eyes darkened as she glared at Karalynn. Mark watched in amazement as the two women faced off.   
"And you were the stuck up chick in the lab coat who called the police on me!"  
"You let a hundred rats loose in our lab!" Karalynn exclaimed. "You ruined three years of my colleagues research, not to mention the cost of the damages you caused...."  
"Hey your lab was killing innocent animals..."  
"They were rats!" Karalynn snapped. "Rats! My friends were doing cancer research! Do you want them to experiment on humans?!"  
"Animals can't fight back in their favor!" Maureen yelled back. "If you had any compassion in you, you'd understand how crazy...."  
"You're crazy! Absolutely fucking insane!" Karalynn cried out. "You wore a big white rat suit for God's sake!"   
Maureen's head snapped back and she looked pensive for a moment. "Oh yeah...well..."  
Karalynn stood up, gathered her belongings and glared at Maureen. She smoothed down her shirt and brushed her hair back with her hand.   
"I'm sorry for raising my voice." Karalynn said quietly to Joanne, Mark and Collins. She ignored Maureen. "It was nice seeing you again, Collins. I hope you'll stop by my office to see me. It was nice meeting you, Joanne. I apologize for my behavior. Mark..goodbye."  
She stormed out of the cafe and Maureen sat in her place. "Well, that was unpleasant." she said brightly. "I'm hun..."  
"Dammit, Maureen!" Mark cried out. He jumped to his feet, grabbed his camera and ran out after Karalynn.  
"What?" she said, her eyes growing wide. "What I'd do?"  
Collins sighed and Joanne shook her head. "Maureen, sometimes you just.."  
"Yes, Pookie?"  
"Nevermind."  
  
  
"Karalynn!" Mark called out. "Wait!"  
She turned around, struggling to put on her coat.   
"Mark, look." she said, slipping one arm into a sleeve. Snowflakes began to settle on her shiny black hair and on her face. "I thought we could be friends but you obviously have some strange companions."  
"Maureen's the only oddball." he said. "Everyone else is really great..."  
"Your roommate called me a bitch."  
"Well.. you both have really hot tempers and..."  
Karalynn rolled her eyes and Mark held up her other sleeve. She looked at him gratefully and finally managed to get her entire coat on.   
"Karalynn, I'm sorry." Mark said when she stood up straight. "Maureen's just.. and Roger is... well, Joanne and Collins and Roger's girlfriend- Mimi, are great."  
"I believe you." she said. She looked past him, her gray eyes growing distant.  
"Can we do this again sometime?" he asked, hopefully. "I mean, without the yelling..."  
Karalynn's eyes came back to rest on Mark and she shook her head.  
Mark tried to keep his face from falling as she walked past him. And then she stopped and turned around. She stared at him for a long time and Mark waited patiently, hoping she would change her mind. Her face softened and it was like seeing ice melt on a sunny day.  
"Mark, you're a really nice guy." she said after awhile.  
He shrugged, feeling awkward. "I try."  
"I'm not...It's just.." She closed her mouth as if she decided not to continue down that path. "Mark, you're a nice guy."  
"You said that already."  
"Then it must be doubly true." She muttered and looked away. "Tell Collins I hope he keeps taking his medication. He looks really good."  
Mark felt confused. "So you know..?"  
Karalynn nodded, looking back at him. "About the AIDS?" she said. "Yeah. We got really close when he was up at MIT. He knew my father and... well." She trailed off, thoughtfully. "Mark, you're really nice."  
Mark had to smile. "Third time's the charm."  
Karalynn's cheeks turned pink and Mark could almost believe she was blushing.   
Then again it could just be the wind, he thought.  
"I have to go." she muttered.  
Mark shrugged and nodded, looking back down at the camera in his hands.   
"Can I call you sometime?" he asked, already knowing the answer.  
"I don't think it would be a good idea." she said. For some reason she sounded more upset about it than he did. She turned around and walked away.  
Mark looked up and watched her until she turned the corner and disappeared from his life for good.  
He looked back at his camera and sighed.  
"Looks like it's you and me again."   
  
  
I hate Mondays, Karalynn thought as she looked out of her office window. She leaned her head against the cold glass and watched people walk past the neuroscience lab across the way.   
She turned slightly so she could see the stack of papers on her desk out of the corner of her eye.  
I should really get started on grading those damn things, she thought and then looked up at the small silver clock next to them.  
8:45am.  
Karalynn sat up and pulled herself back to her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a red pen, uncapping it with one perfectly manicured finger.  
As she read the paper in front of her, she let her thoughts drift to the past weekend.   
To Saturday.  
Christ, that was bad, she thought. I was so...  
She shook her head and looked back down at the paper.   
No sense in looking back, she thought firmly. Have to go forward, always forward.  
But the way he looked at me when I said....  
Karalynn put the pen down and looked up, resting her chin on her propped up hand.  
"Get it out of your system." she said out loud. "What's the problem, Kara?"  
Mark! an inner voice yelled.  
"What about him?" she muttered, staring at the blank white wall in front of her.  
He's nice!  
"Well, I'm not nice. I don't do nice." she said firmly. "I can't win unless I'm aggressive. Aggressive cancels out nice. Besides, he's clumsy. I had to throw away my shirt. He's goofy. He dresses like... well, bad. He's too skinny. And those glasses..."  
But remember the way his blue eyes twinkled behind those glasses?  
And the way his hair stuck up like that?  
And his smile...?  
His smile.  
Karalynn closed her eyes, leaned back and put her fingers up to her temples.   
"I'm mean! she said out loud. "I'm cold. I'm cruel. I have no emotions. I also have no time to deal with emotions, dammit! My life is perfect!" She opened her eyes and sighed with relief.  
"Okay, that's it. He's forgotten. That's it."  
And then the voice came back with a vengeance.  
You're a fake.  
Your perfect life is a perfect sham.  
Her eyes drifted over to her father's picture. The only picture on her desk and Karalynn felt her shoulders droop.   
"My father would be proud of me." she muttered. "I made it. I'm getting my Ph.d. I am going to be a success. I am going to keep my promise."  
Yes, your father would be proud of you, the voice said quietly.  
But he would also know how unhappy you are.  
"I. Am. Happy." Karalynn said sternly. She picked up the paper and turned the page. "My life is..."  
"Karalynn! You gotta see what's going on outside!" someone yelled.  
A man burst into her room and Karalynn sat up, her eyes wide with alarm.   
"What?!" she almost screamed.   
For a minute she thought her inner voice had come to life.  
The man, Dr. Anderson from across the hall, walked across her office and pointed out her window.   
"There's a woman dressed up like a big block of cheese, standing outside the lab with a megaphone!" he exclaimed. "I think she's the same one who came here last year."  
Karalynn got to her feet and looked outside.  
She moaned.  
"She's pretty cute too!" Dr. Anderson said.  
Fuck, she thought. Dammit, that woman!  
It was Maureen.  
  
"Free the rats!" Maureen yelled out. "Let their noses smell the sweet scent of freedom that awaits them..."  
She looked out at the crowd and smiled inside. The group looked bigger this year despite her lack of a microphone or any other equipment. Joanne had refused to help her and Mark wouldn't return her calls. The cheese suit felt uncomfortable and Maureen knew it would hide her curves but it would be worth it this time. She took a deep breath and was about to continue when she saw two policemen walking towards her.   
"Miss, you're going to have to stop this, right now." one of them said.   
"You want me to stop?" she yelled into the megaphone. "Did Moses stop leading his people to freedom when the Pharaoh told him to stop? Did Martin Luther King Jr..."  
"We're going to have to arrest you if you don't stop this protest, right now." the other one said firmly, with his hands on his hips.  
Maureen was about to say something about her freedom of speech and her rights when she saw a figure in white running towards her.  
"Don't arrest her!" Karalynn yelled out. She struggled to put on the other sleeve of her lab coat while she ran towards the officers. "Stop! Wait!"  
Both officers turned around and Karalynn stopped running, finally able to put the coat on properly.   
"Ma'am, she's causing a public disturbance on private grounds." the first officer said to Karalynn.   
Karalynn threw Maureen a seething glare and then smiled up at the man. "She's one of my patients." she said. "We were having a therapy session and she somehow managed to run out of my office. You can't arrest a mental patient of mine. I've been looking for her. Right, Maureen?"  
Maureen smiled sweetly, hopping down from her wooden box and walked up to Karalynn.  
"Right, doctor." she said. Karalynn glared at her and then turned back to both officers.   
"Could you please tell this crowd to go now." Karalynn said. "They're the ones causing a disturbance. They're blocking the entrance to the lab and students have to get in there now."  
Both men looked at each other, confused and the first one shrugged.  
"Okay folks!" he yelled out, waving his hands and walking away. "Show's over!"  
Karalynn grabbed Maureen's arm tightly and she pulled her off to the side.  
"You are getting out of that ridiculous costume and you are leaving this campus for good!" Karalynn yelled at her.  
Maureen stood up straight and held her head up. She shook off Karalynn's grasp. "Hey, I'm just exercising my freedom of speech! This is a righteous cause!"  
"Do you want me to get those policemen back here?" Karalynn threatened. "Because I could just easily walk over there and..."  
"Why'd you help me?" Maureen asked suddenly.  
"What?!" Karalynn cried out. "Now you're questioning why I.."  
"It's Mark, isn't it?" Maureen said triumphantly. "If you hadn't known that he was my friend you would have let them arrest me, right?"  
Karalynn stared at her blankly. She shook her head and sighed.  
"Go home, you unstable, insane woman." she said and then turned around to leave.  
"Wait!" Maureen called out. Karalynn stopped but didn't turn around.  
"What?"  
"Joanne dropped me off and I don't have a ride home." she said sheepishly. Karalynn whirled around.  
"You don't expect me to..."  
"Well, I could hang out with you today. Just until she gets off at five." Maureen smiled. "I always wanted to check out the young, good looking professors here. You know some, right? I mean..."  
"Take the damn subway." Karalynn hissed. "Or walk. You have legs."  
"I can't do that dressed like this!" Maureen exclaimed. She waved her yellow covered arms out of the huge yellow cheese shaped styrofoam box she wore around her body. "I might get mugged! Or worse yet..."  
Karalynn felt like pulling out her hair. Actually, she felt like pulling out Maureen's hair.  
"Fine." she said finally, through gritted teeth. "I'll drive you home. But only if you promise never to step foot on any part of the NYU campus again. I mean it. You can't even look at a map of the place."  
Maureen smiled so hard, her dimples showed.  
  
"Traffic." Karalynn muttered, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel of her BMW. "Of course. Traffic. This is great. Just greeeeeaaat."  
They had been stuck in gridlock for ten minutes and Karalynn's patience was wearing thin.   
Maureen leaned forward, her fingers headed towards the radio dial. Karalynn looked at her and glared.  
"Don't even..."  
"But I hate..."  
"It's my car."  
Maureen leaned back sulking. "You sound just like Joanne!" she cried out.  
Karalynn shook her head in disbelief and looked out of the window. "I can't believe I'm doing this." she muttered. "I have tons of work to finish up."  
"So what's going on with you and Mark?" Maureen asked.   
Karalynn's grip tightened. Her knuckles were almost white.  
"Nothing." she said through her teeth. "He was just some guy who ran into me one day and that is it. I don't even know his last name."  
"Cohen."  
"What?"  
"It's Cohen." Maureen said, staring at her. "His last name is Cohen."  
Karalynn said nothing and stared straight ahead. No one was moving now. She was stuck.  
"I used to date him." Maureen said after awhile.   
Karalynn looked at her. "You? I thought you were.."  
"A lesbian? Yes. I am now." Maureen said. "But I dated him a while back."  
"So?"  
"So... look, Karalynn." Maureen said in a serious tone. "It may be hard to believe but I'm not as self centered or insane as you think I am. Everyone else falls for this... this exterior and I let them. Mark didn't. He saw things in me... qualities that I didn't even know I had. He saw... well, he saw me. For who I was really. And he never gave up on me, even when I treated him like shit. When I first met you, I admit, I thought you were..."  
"Let me guess." Karalynn said. "A bitch?"  
"Yeah." Maureen said with a smile. "A bitch. But then after an hour of listening to him go on and on about you.. I realized that maybe he saw something in you I wasn't seeing. He's a filmmaker. He's an observer. He can see things that no one else can. And for some weird reason, even though you guys just met, he seems to really like you. When he was telling us about you, after you left... I just haven't seen him smile that much in months. He's a good guy."   
Karalynn tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.  
"Give him a chance, Karalynn." Maureen said.  
"My life... I just..." Karalynn looked away and frowned. "I don't doubt that he's a good guy. But Mark is on one end of the spectrum and I am on the other. I just don't have time for someone like him..."  
"Someone caring and kind and thoughtful and..."  
"Exactly!" Karalynn blurted out. Suddenly she felt like crying and she didn't know why. "Look,  
Maureen. I have promises and obligations to keep. My world is just too... Mark couldn't fit in anywhere in my world, even if he tried! It's just too hectic and cold and competitive and he wouldn't survive if I let him in and..." Suddenly she realized she had said too much. She looked at Maureen and forced herself to build up an invisible wall around her.  
It was a trick she learned a long time ago.  
"It's just not gonna happen." she said coldly.   
"You barely know him." Maureen said. She looked at the woman across from her. "You can't tell the future. He's a strong person. Stronger than you think he is and.."  
"I know enough!" Karalynn almost yelled.   
"No you don't!" Maureen cried out.   
"Yes I do! He wouldn't survive!"  
"WHY!?"  
"Because!..."  
Maureen waited for her reply but instead Karalynn just looked away. Maureen studied her face. Mark had been right, Karalynn was a beautiful woman but she wasn't as cold as she appeared to be. Mark had seen that. For a moment, it had looked like she was going to cry. Her strange gray eyes misted over slightly but then when she blinked, they were cold again. Maureen suddenly knew why Karalynn had such a strong aversion to Mark. And it wasn't because Karalynn didn't like him.  
"Because you're barely surviving yourself, right?" Maureen said in a soft voice unlike her usual one.   
Karalynn swore. "Oh Christ..." she muttered, shaking her head.  
"Hey chick, I'm an actress." Maureen said. "I know an act when I see one. It took me awhile with you, maybe because you've had more rehearsal time but your whole ice princess thing is an act, just the same."  
"You don't know me." Karalynn said quietly.  
"I know enough." Maureen said, mimicking Karalynn's earlier words.  
Finally the traffic let up and cars had began to move again. Karalynn said nothing as she put her car in gear and began to drive down the street. Maureen made gestures, pointing left and right and then straight and Karalynn drove in silence.  
"Right there." Maureen said finally, breaking the quiet. She pointed to a large gray apartment complex. "That's where I live."  
Karalynn put her car in park and stared straight ahead as Maureen opened her door. She reached in her sleeve and threw something on Karalynn's passenger seat.  
"Here." she said. Karalynn turned towards her and then down looked at the small white piece of paper on the leather seat.  
"What's that?" she asked.   
"His number." Maureen said brightly. "Give him a call. Give him a chance."  
"Oh Christ..."  
"No, the name's Maureen Johnson, actually." she said with a wink. And then her face grew serious again. "I think you may need him more than you think you do." She was about to close the door when she paused. "By the way, the little talk we had today..."  
"Yeah?" Karalynn said, sounding annoyed.  
"It never happened." Maureen said with a glimmer in her eye. "What would people think if they knew I actually thought about someone other than myself."  
Karalynn rolled her eyes and actually smiled. "Right. Ok."  
"And Karalynn?"  
"What?"  
"Thanks for not having me arrested." And then Maureen added. "Again."  
"Christ, just close the door!" Karalynn yelled.  
Maureen giggled as Karalynn drove away and then walked up the stairs to the front door.  
"There goes my good deed for the day." she said brightly to herself. She reached into her sleeve and then frowned.  
"Oh shit, where's my key?!" 


	3. Ch. 3 Holding the World

Disclaimer: Only Karalynn is mine- the rest belong to Jonathan Larson. But of course, everyone knew that. This has got to be the worst chapter yet- but I promise it'll get better as the story continues. Remember, Roger still hates her! Oh and the reason for the title will be clear at the very, very end! Thanks for r/r!   
(By the way, I don't live on the east coast so I have no idea where anything is! So if I make a few mistakes I would appreciate some help!)  
  
  
Ch. 3- Holding the World  
  
Mark looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and pushed up his glasses.  
He frowned.  
"Why do I even bother?" he said out loud. "I'll never look like the type of guy that should be with someone like her."  
"But you are with her." Collins called out from outside.   
Mark grinned at his reflection.  
"Yes I am." he said, feeling his heart grow lighter. He looked down and tugged at the polo shirt he was wearing. Karalynn had given it back to him a week after he had bumped into her. Three days after she had called him, nearly giving him a heart attack.  
That had been two months ago.   
Mark turned around and walked out of the bathroom. Collins and Mimi were sitting on the couch and when Mimi saw Mark, she got to her feet and clapped her hands together.  
"Mark, look at you! You look great!" she exclaimed. "So is tonight the night I finally get to meet her?"   
Mark grinned and nodded, sitting down on top of the table.  
"Yeah." he said, looking at her. "I finally convinced Karalynn to come up to the loft again. I told her Roger was gonna be in band practice until midnight." He shrugged and picked up his camera, looking back down. "They still don't like each other."  
Mimi laughed and sat down next to him, putting one slim, tanned arm around his waist.  
She had gotten off of work early just to meet Karalynn. Mark appreciated it and he leaned his head against her thick, black curls.  
"Honey, you know how Roger is." she said. "You know how he is with people. The way he describes her, I keep imagining she'll have horns on her head and a pitchfork up her ass."   
Mark and Collins laughed and Mimi smiled at them.   
"Actually what I think he said was- Mark's dating that stuck up bitch from hell." Collins said with a twist of his mouth. "But I'm sure he meant it in the nicest way possible." He added when Mark frowned.  
"She's not like that." Mark said, looking up. His blue eyes twinkled out from behind his glasses. "I mean she was when I first met her but even then, there was something else about her. Something different. She makes me happy."  
Mimi drew away a little and looked at his face.   
Mark was happy.   
Happier than she had ever seen him to be. She knew Roger spent more time with her than he did with Mark and it made her feel guilty sometimes, knowing that he was alone in the loft while she and Roger were downstairs, holding each other. But ever since he had met Karalynn, something changed inside of him. He smiled more often, even when he thought no one was looking. He didn't hide in his room as often and he actually looked healthier.   
"Then I'm happy for you, sweetie." she said. "This girl must really be something."  
Just then they all heard a knock on the door and Mark jumped off the table, leaving his camera there.  
"This girl is really here." Collins said with a smile. Mark smiled back and when he flung the door open, his smile grew bigger.  
He threw his arms around her, pulling Karalynn into a tight embrace and for a few minutes all Mimi could see was a slim figure covered by Mark. And then he let her go and Karalynn looked up.   
She wore a sleek expensive looking black pantsuit and her hair was tied back neatly away from her face. For a moment, her pale cheeks were pink and flushed from both the cold and Mark's grasp. She was only a little shorter than Mark and Mimi could tell they made perfect fit.  
Karalynn's eyes traveled over Mark's body and she smiled in surprise. He wore his black slacks and dress shoes.  
"You dressed up!"  
Mark blushed and pushed his glasses up with one finger. "Yeah, well..." he said, slightly embarrassed.  
"You didn't have to." she said seriously.   
Mark shrugged and grinned at her. "I wanted to." he said. "After all, what's everyone gonna think when they see me dressed in rags next to you?"  
Karalynn rolled her eyes and laughed. Mimi walked over towards them.  
"You're a lot prettier than Mark said you'd be." she said. Karalynn looked up and smiled.  
"You must be Mimi." she said, holding out her hand.   
Mimi hit Karalynn's hand away lightly and drew her into a warm embrace. Karalynn looked up at Mark, alarmed and Mark winked at her.  
"That's what they call me." Mimi said smiling, when she finally let her go. "And you're Karalynn. I've heard a lot about you."  
Karalynn glanced at Mark and he took her hand and squeezed it tightly. "All good things from me." he said. He led her further into the loft and picked up his camera, jacket and scarf.  
"So where are you kids headed off to?" Collins asked. Mimi bounded back to the couch next to him and looked up at them.  
"Yeah, why the fancy shmancy clothes?" she asked.  
"Fancy shmancy?" Mark repeated. He laughed and looked at Karalynn. "We're going to some fancy shmancy dinner party held by Karalynn's fancy shmancy college friends."  
Karalynn made a face. "Those people are not my friends." she said. "I just have to network for an hour and then we can leave." She looked down at her silver watch and sighed. "We have to go or we'll be late. It was nice meeting you, Mimi."  
"Nice meeting you too, Karalynn."  
Mimi waved at them as they walked out of the loft.   
"She's not mean." Mimi said, turning to Collins. "So why does Roger hate her again?"  
  
  
Mark had never felt more embarrassed or awkward in his life.   
Everywhere around him, young successful people in nice clothing talked about their budding careers and bright futures.   
They all ignored him.  
Even Karalynn had left him.  
Even the kid who taken his jacket and scarf at the coat table looked disdainfully at his clothing.   
He stood stiffly in a corner, trying not to look up as he tinkered with his camera and felt painfully aware that his entire outfit cost less than the food on the table.   
Karalynn hadn't seem to mind.  
But.. where was she?  
He looked up at the thought of her and watched her talking to a group of young handsome men in suits.   
He felt his breath shorten.   
Was she flirting with them?  
They all seem captivated by her. All of them wore huge silly grins on their faces.  
Mark's mind suddenly flashed back to the thought of Maureen and he couldn't help but remember the way he felt when she found him in his bed with...  
He shook his head.  
No.   
He studied Karalynn's face. She wore a serious, distant expression on her face. The one he had seen her wear when she was studying across from him in the cafe. It was the same expression she wore when she lectured. He had captured that look on film before and studied it a million times. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she wasn't smiling when she spoke.  
No.   
She wasn't flirting. Mark breathed a sigh of relief and aimed his camera at her.  
"Look at her." he said into his camera quietly. "Look at the way they look at her. I can't believe she's here with me. I can't believe she even exists. She tells me that I hold her too tightly sometimes and it's because I'm afraid that if I don't hold her tightly enough, she'll disappear..."  
Suddenly Mark heard her name spoken and he jerked his head towards a man and a woman talking next to him. He pretended he didn't notice and tried to listen to their conversation.  
"God, she's gorgeous." the man said. "I can't believe that little pipsqueak of a boy is her boyfriend."  
"Yeah he is." the woman said. "He's supposedly a filmmaker. But I can tell that he's just another one of those good for nothing starving artist types."  
"A filmmaker? With that nasty old camera?" The man chuckled. "How long do you think that'll last?"  
"The camera or the relationship?" They both laughed and the woman replied.  
"I give her one more month to realize what a loser he is." she said. "I mean, she's first class and he isn't even good enough to travel coach. At least she'll be earning her degree soon. I hear Stanford's offered her a full time teaching position in their psych. department."  
"Right, I heard that too. So she'll be going to California after May?"  
"As far as I know. And by then I'm sure that she'll have dumped the Salvation Army poster boy."  
Mark stopped listening.   
He stopped filming.  
He could barely see through his tears anyway.   
Without even looking up he walked across the room and out into the lobby of the hotel where the party was being held.  
Karalynn saw him as he brushed past her and she looked after him, confused.  
"Uh, excuse me." she said, smiling briefly at the group. "I have to go ... check up on someone."  
She ran out of the room despite their protests and saw Mark arguing with the coat check boy.  
"Just give me my damn jacket!" he cried out.   
"No ticket, no jacket." the boy said firmly.   
Karalynn walked up next to Mark and touched his arm.  
"Hey, what's going..." she began but Mark jerked away from her. She stared at his face in shock.  
His pale cheeks were wet with tears and she was stunned.  
"What did I do?" she asked. "What happened, Mark?"  
"Nothing." he spat out at her. "You're perfect! You can't do anything wrong!"  
Before she could even open her mouth to speak he turned around and ran out of the lobby and onto the street.  
Karalynn turned to the coat boy. "Give me his coat and scarf." she demanded.  
The coat boy shook his head. "Look lady, like I told that guy..."  
Before he knew what had happened, Karalynn had reached over the counter, grabbed his collar and had dragged him onto the countertop.  
"Look little boy," she said in a dangerous voice. The coat boy looked up at her with wide, frightened eyes. He had never seen anyone, much less a woman, look so pissed off. "You are fucking with the wrong person. Give. Me. His. Coat. And. Scarf. Or. I will...."  
The coat boy nodded frantically and she let him go. In less than five seconds, he handed her Mark's belongings and she grabbed them, hurrying out of the lobby like lightning.  
  
"Mark!"  
Mark ignored her and continued to walk down the street. He was aware that he was probably miles away from home but he didn't care.  
He just had to get away.  
"Mark, dammit! Stop!"  
He kept walking.   
He heard the clacking of her high heels on the pavement and wasn't surprised when she caught up with him.  
"Mark, what happened!?" she yelled. She grabbed his arm and he pulled it away.   
"Nothing." he mumbled. He tightened his grip on his camera and tried to ignore the pain the wind caused against his tear streaked cheeks. "Just go back to your happy little dinner party."  
"Shit Mark, don't pull this on me!" she cried out. She struggled to keep up with him in her heels. "I have no idea why you're acting so shitty so the least you could do is give me a fucking explanation!"  
Mark stopped walking and faced her.   
"I heard what those people in there were saying about me and you." he said. He felt his chest tighten up with pain as he looked at her. "I know what your friends think of me."  
"So what?" she said, sounding annoyed. "I told you, those people are not.."  
"So when were you planning on telling me you were moving to California?" he asked. He saw the way her face froze and knew it was true.   
"How did you..."  
"I heard it through the fucking grapevine." he said bitterly. "So when were you gonna spring that little number up on me? A month before you left? A week? Or were you just gonna write me a good old 'Dear Mark' letter? I've had people run out on me before. I know how it goes." He straightened up and glared at her through his tears. "So what am I to you, Karalynn? A little bit of fun before you head off?"  
"Fuck you, Mark."  
"Is that why I haven't even seen the inside of your apartment?" he asked angrily. "Or why I barely know shit about your past? I told you almost everything about me. Are you just playing some fucked up mind game on me?"  
"No!" she yelled. She threw his coat and scarf at him with so much force, he almost dropped his camera. "This isn't a game!"  
"Then what is it?!" Mark yelled back, surprising himself. "What am I to you!?"  
She stared at him and for a moment he thought she was going to start screaming at him. But she didn't. When she spoke next, her quiet, sad voice surprised him.  
"What am I to you, Mark?"   
"That's not fair." he said sullenly. He felt exhausted. Tired and weak. "I asked you first."  
She walked up to him silently and he let her wrap her arms around his waist. He let her put her head on his shoulder. Mark closed his eyes as she pressed her lips against his neck and he sighed when he caught a whiff of her hair.  
It felt good to hold her, to be held by her.  
His Karalynn.   
He wanted to get lost in her.  
He wanted to forget what had just happened.  
But he couldn't.  
"Karalynn, what..."  
"Mark, come with me." she said, looking up at him. He ached for her when she pulled away but at least she held his hand.   
"Where are we going?" he asked.  
"Home."  
"But your car..."  
"I live up the street." she said quietly.   
He followed her like a lamb.   
  
Mark blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes used to the bright lights of her apartment. They had walked a few blocks away from the hotel, further uptown and he was grateful to be indoors, away from the chilly wind.   
Karalynn closed the door behind them and looked up at him, her eyes wide and round.  
"This is your place?" Mark said, in amazement.  
"Home sweet home?" she said with a slight smile.   
Her apartment was spacious and lofty. A wide screen television and two speakers sat on one side of the living room and a huge black leather couch was set across from it. An expensive looking glass table stood between them. The hardwood floor was almost completely covered by a thick burgundy rug. On the other wall, across from the door where Mark stood was a tall, impressive looking bookcase. But Mark's eye was drawn to the oil painting above the couch.   
It was a picture of the beach at sunset. Colors whirled and melted into each other like butter. It was both a busy and calming painting, obviously done with great skill.   
It was beautiful.  
He gestured to it as Karalynn took his stuff from his hands and put them down on the kitchen counter.   
"Is that one of yours?" he asked.  
She looked up and shook her head. "My father's." she said quietly. "That's one of my father's pieces."  
"Oh." Mark said. "Is he still at MIT?"  
"He's dead." she said simply.   
Mark looked at her. Karalynn sat down on one of the counter stools and looked up at the painting.   
"He was an artist." she said quietly. "A good one. I remember I used to watch him paint at night, after he got home from work. Sometimes, I used to paint next to him. He was a professor, like Collins. Like I'm going to be one day. But his true calling was painting."  
Mark walked up to her and touched her hand. She was as cold as ice.  
"I'm sorry." he said meekly. "When did..."  
"When I was eighteen." she said. "He got into a car accident coming home one day. He hung on for a few weeks. I got to talk to him, say good bye before he died of complications."  
"And your mother?"  
"She ran off with someone else when I was seven." she said. Her voice was soft and barely above a whisper. Her gray eyes clouded over and became shiny but she didn't cry. She turned her gaze on him. "Everyone I love leaves me, Mark. I figured, after awhile, it'd be easier if I left first. Or if I just... didn't feel...."  
Mark wanted to smile at her.  
Sound familiar, Cohen? he thought to himself.  
And then a sobering thought entered his mind.  
"You were going to leave me without telling me?" he asked. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, nodding instead.  
"Why?"  
"I...I didn't think I could..." she said softly. She cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her hair, letting it free from the clip that held it back. "I didn't think I could do it. Say good bye. To you."  
"Because you'd feel guilty?" he asked.   
It wasn't the answer he wanted to hear.  
He wanted to hear her say.....  
"Because I didn't want to." she said.   
Mark smiled slightly and brought her hands up to his lips.  
"Then don't." he said. "Don't go."  
Karalynn gently pulled her hands away from him and shook her head.  
"Mark, my father made me promise him that I would be a success." she said. Her eyes went past him, to the painting. When she spoke next, her voice was broken. "He wanted me to do well. To work hard. Everything I do... I do because I want to live up to my father's expectations of me. He thought I hung the moon and the sun up in the sky. I can't let him down. He lived his life, giving me everything I wanted..."   
She looked back into Mark's eyes and he had never seen them filled with so much expression.   
Even when she laughed, Mark had always felt as if she were holding back.  
Now all her barriers were down.  
"He told me once that he had applied to Stanford, as an undergrad. They rejected him. They rejected my father." she said. "And now they want me to work there. I want to make my father proud of me. I want to make good on my promise, Mark. I want to be a success."  
"Karalynn, I'm sure your father didn't mean it that way." he said quietly. "I'm sure success to him meant... being happy. The way Collins makes you sound, you're a rising star, Karalynn. And Collins does not lie. You are a success. Everyone thinks so. I was watching those people around you tonight and I could see it in their faces... they thought the world of you. But are you happy?"  
She slowly shook her head no.  
"Do you think you'd be happy... moving to California?"  
"A few months ago, I would have thought so." Her eyes were honest and bright as she spoke.  
"But now?" he asked.  
She shook her head. "But now you make me happy, Mark."  
Mark smiled. It was a sweet, simple smile and it lit up his entire face.   
He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. Her hands in his hands had warmed up considerably and he let them go, bringing his hands up to her face.   
His heart pounded as he felt her hands slip up his chest. He felt a jolt as the kiss deepened and he pulled back suddenly.  
"Wait." he said, breathlessly.  
Karalynn looked at him expectantly. Her face was confused.  
"Mark, is something wrong?" she asked. He shook his head and blushed.  
"Karalynn... I..." He stopped and studied her eyes. "I..."  
She stared at him as he seemed to fumble for words and then she understood.  
"Mark, it's okay." she said quietly. "You don't have to say it."  
His cheeks were churning with what was probably half of his blood supply but he shook his head.   
"I want you to hear it." he said. "I want this to be right."  
Karalynn reached up and touched his cheek and it seemed to give him the courage to say the words.  
"I love you." he whispered.  
She closed her eyes and he took her in his arms and held her tightly, marveling at how strong he felt just by saying three simple words.  
Me feel strong? Mark thought. Me, Mark Cohen. Strong?  
He smiled.   
He was strong.  
After all, he held the world in his arms. 


	4. Ch. 4 Roger

Disclaimer: Once again, only Karalynn belongs to me. Everyone else belongs to Jonathan Larson.  
(Did I say it was gonna get better? Ack! I lied. I'm beginning to get bored with Karalynn now that she's softening up. I know how I want this to end but it's getting harder for me to get there.. oh well. I hope this chapter isn't flamed as hard as I suspect it will be. Any suggestions would be appreciated. R/R! Thanks!)  
  
Ch. 4 Roger   
  
A warm early summer breeze drifted into the loft and Mark looked up from his camera, enjoying the feel of it on his face.   
He smiled to himself for a moment.  
His life was almost perfect.  
He had his friends.  
He had Karalynn.   
He had his camera.  
A few companies had even called him back about some of his films. He didn't even remember sending most of them out- he had done it so long ago. But now they were calling and that was all that mattered.  
Yup. His life was perfect.  
Almost.  
He heard the door open and Mark turned around to greet his girlfriend.  
His heart stopped in his chest.  
"Hey Roger." Mark said weakly. "You're home early."  
The tall blonde man walked into the loft, holding his guitar case. He grinned up at Mark and set down the case.  
"Hey Mark, what's going on?" Roger said. "Practice got out early. We have a gig tonight but I wanted to hang out with you before then." He pulled up a chair and sat on it backwards, with his arms up on the back. "I barely see you anymore. What's up?"  
Mark gulped and put down his camera. He forced himself to smile.  
For the past few months Mark had been working like a dog, trying to keep Karalynn away from Roger and vice versa.  
It wasn't easy.   
He spent his days at the loft and nights at Karalynn's apartment. Karalynn sometimes stopped by the loft during the day- strangely enough, the two had never run into each other.  
Mark prayed she wouldn't stop by today.  
He prayed that she would keep her summer class in for it's full four hours and fifty minutes.  
"Nothing's up." Mark said. "My life's the same. Boring old Mark, as usual. You know, filming. Being boring...."  
"You still with that stuck up bitch?" Roger asked.  
Mark stared at him. "Roger, she's not a bitch." he said. "You never even gave her a cha..."  
"Mark, I've been meaning to talk to you about her..."  
"Mimi thinks she's nice." Mark interjected. "And you love Mimi, right? So if Mimi likes someone..."  
"I don't like Carol."  
"Her name is Karalynn."  
"Did someone say my name?"   
Mark whirled around, almost falling off of the table where he sat.   
Karalynn walked in, smiling brightly.   
"Hi Mark, I let my class out early and..." She stopped when she saw Roger. Her gray eyes flashed and her face grew hard. Karalynn and Roger stared at each other like two tigers in a cage, about to attack.   
Just when Mark thought Roger was going to start yelling, he jumped to his feet and stomped off into his room, slamming the door so hard it shook on its frame.   
"I see he's as charming as he was when we first met." Karalynn said sarcastically.   
Mark hopped off the table and walked towards her, feeling better when he pulled her into his arms.   
"Karalynn, the only reason why you guys don't get along is because...."  
"We're sooooo alike." Karalynn mumbled. "Is that your only theory, Mark? I mean, how about he's a jerk? Or he's so hard headed that you could break a block of wood on his head?"  
"He's my bestfriend." Mark said quietly, looking at her.   
Karalynn sighed and tapped his chest with her finger. "No fair." she mumbled. "You know I always back down from a fight when you look at me like that."  
"Like what?"  
"Your eyes get all big and round and...." Karalynn laughed. "Stop doing that!"  
Mark batted his eyes at her and leaned in closer. "Oh, you mean this?"  
She laughed again and pushed him back gently. Mark reluctantly let her go.  
"Mark, I'm going back on campus." she said, dangling her car keys. "I have to write the midterm for my undergrads."  
Mark looked back at Roger's room. "I'll go hang out with Roger. He's right. I haven't been around that much. I miss him." he said honestly. He looked back at Karalynn. "Can I stop by later tonight, Dr. Demerin?"  
Karalynn smiled at the title. She had finally earned her Ph.d back in May and the novelty of it still hadn't worn off. Mark knew it made her smile inside to hear him, or anyone else, say it.  
"Mark, do you even have to ask anymore?" she said, suddenly serious.  
Mark shrugged. "Well, yeah." he said. "I don't wanna assume..."  
She kissed him briefly on the lips and walked towards the door. "Mark, it's okay to assume sometimes." she said as she walked out. "Just use your key."  
Mark looked confused. "What key?" he asked just before she threw a bright, shiny object at him.  
He caught it with one hand.   
It was a key to her apartment.  
He looked up at her in amazement.  
She winked at him and then walked out the door.  
  
Roger scratched his head as he walked out of his room. It was mid afternoon but he had no band practice today. He looked around the empty loft and saw a note on the table.  
He read it out loud.  
"Roger- went to the store. Groceries. Mark."  
Roger chuckled to himself and opened the refrigerator. It was empty.  
"Great timing, Mark." Roger muttered. He closed it and scratched his head again.   
Mimi was at work.  
Joanne was at work.   
Mark was away.  
And there was no way he was going to hang out with Maureen.  
Or Benny.  
He wondered what Collins was doing. He walked towards the phone and stopped when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He glanced up at the door when he heard the lock open.  
"Oh God." Roger muttered.   
Karalynn walked in and stopped when she saw him.  
"Mark left his scarf at my place." she said simply. Roger looked down at the familiar blue and white cloth in her hands. "Just tell him I stopped by."  
"He seems to be spending a lot of time at your place lately." Roger said.  
Karalynn put the scarf down on the table and glanced up. "Yeah? You think so?" she said tersely. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"It means I barely see him anymore."  
"That's not my fault." she said.   
"Oh you don't think so?" he said sarcastically. He walked towards her menacingly but she didn't flinch. "Well guess where he's at most of the time?"  
Karalynn stood up and folded her arms across her chest. She said nothing as she glared at him.  
"Look, I know your type." Roger said. "I see you walk around with your head up high thinking you're better than everyone else. Don't think I don't remember what you said about Mark when I first met you...."  
"Oh, you mean you're holding a grudge against me?" Karalynn spat out, her lips dripping with sarcasm. "How surprising, Roger! I didn't know you could hold grudges! You seemed like such a nice person..."  
"You called him a fucking retard..."  
"I barely knew him then!"   
"That doesn't matter!" he yelled down at her.   
"It fucking matters!" she yelled back. "It especially matters when you knew him for most of your adult life and you still ran out on him!"  
Roger's blue eyes narrowed as he glowered at her. "You almost ran out on him too you know." he said coldly. "What? Surprised that I knew about that little stunt you almost pulled? Yeah, Mark told me. You almost left..."  
"But I didn't." she said, her voice dropping. Her gray eyes darkened like storm clouds filled with rain.  
And thunder.  
And lightning.  
"That honor goes to you, Roger." she hissed. "Right? Because you're the one who actually left!"  
"Hey! That was last year and you have no idea what happened because you weren't there and..."  
"Well, guess what, Roger- that doesn't matter." she yelled. "Because from what I hear- you were barely there for him either!"  
"I'm here now!" Roger said.  
Karalynn smiled bitterly. "Well so am I."  
They stared at each other for a long time, each one waiting for the other to back down.  
"You're not good enough for him, Karalynn." Roger said in a hoarse, quiet voice. "I know people like you. When the going gets tough, you get going. So right now things are good. Well that's just great for you and Mark. What happens when you find someone richer? Someone with a bunch of fucking letters after his name? Someone you think is better than Ma..."  
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Karalynn snapped. "You have no right to..."  
Roger walked up to her and stood so close that she could feel his breath on her face. She didn't shy away.  
"When you leave, Karalynn, and trust me, you will leave." Roger said softly. "I'll still be here. Mimi will still be here. Collins will still be here. We're all gonna have to pick up the pieces, sooner or later. And if you go now, it will make it all that much more easier for us."  
"That's enough." Mark said quietly.   
Roger took a step back as the smaller man walked into the room, holding a bag of groceries.  
He set it down on the table and walked towards Karalynn and Roger.  
He took it as a bad sign when Karalynn didn't turn around.   
"Karalynn, he didn't..."  
Karalynn looked away. "It's fine I was just leaving anyway." she said shortly.   
"Kara, Roger was..."  
Karalynn looked at him and shrugged. "Look, Mark, it's fine." she said. "I have to go anyway. I just came to drop off your scarf."   
But she barely glanced at him on her way out.  
  
"You heard?" Roger said after Karalynn had slammed the door.   
Mark looked at him strangely.   
"Every word, Roger." Mark said quietly.   
For a minute, Roger's shoulders drooped. And then his chest puffed out and he ran his fingers through his hair, as if trying to boost himself up.  
"Look, Mark, everything I said was true." Roger said firmly. "She's no good for you."  
"Why don't you let me make that decision?" Mark said. He stood so still he could have been a statue. "At least I know her. You never even gave her a chance."  
"Why should I?" Roger exclaimed. "Why should I get to know her? I can spot a runner when I see one. Mark, I'm telling you, when something goes wrong, she's gonna go.."  
"Leave me, like you did." Mark said. "Is this what it all comes down to, Rog? You think she's going to leave just because you did."  
Roger stared at him. "Mark, you know I'll never forgive myself for that."  
"Why don't you like her?" Mark asked. "Because she has more money than us? Because she wears better clothes? Or is it because she makes me so happy that you're jea..."  
"Don't even go there!" Roger yelled. "That has nothing to do with...Look Mark. I'm trying to protect you. I left you, Maureen left you, Angel left Collins, even Mimi left me for Benny, everyone leaves! If you think your little fairytale romance with the rich girl is gonna last well, here's a newsflash- one day, you're gonna wake up and she'll be gone too!"  
Mark's eyes burned with tears. "So that's what this is about." Mark said. His voice was harsh and cracked. "Your fears. Here's a newsflash for you, buddy. Kara isn't like one of the blank screens I use for my films. You can't project your mistakes or anyone else's mistakes on her. She's not perfect. She's only human but she will not lea..."  
"How do you know!" Roger yelled at him. "You can't tell the fucking future!"   
"Well I have to believe!" Mark finally yelled back. He held back a sob and felt his entire body explode with emotion. "I have to believe in something! I have to believe that having her in my life is good for me because ever since the moment I met her my life has changed for the best! You're too caught up in your fucking self to even notice it! I love her! And if you have even an ounce of feeling for me in your heart then you wouldn't be putting me through this! You wouldn't make me have to choose between you or her because she's never done that! I can't play referee! It isn't fair!"  
Roger took a step back. He had never heard Mark yell at him like this before. They had gotten into fights before, sure. But the look on Mark's face was... maybe he had changed. Mark had never been able to show this much emotion. He was always detached and...  
"I love her, Roger." Mark said softly. His hands, which had tightened up into fists, unclenched. His face softened and he took off his glasses to wipe his eyes. "I'm not asking you to love her too. I'm asking you to give her a chance."  
Roger sighed heavily and walked over to the couch, crashing down on it.   
"It's that important to you?" Roger asked after awhile.  
Mark put his glasses back on and shook his head. "Karalynn is that important to me." he said.  
"Okay."  
"Then she can come over without you breathing down her neck about.."  
"Yes."  
"And you won't call her a..."  
"I said okay, Mark."  
Mark let out the breath he was holding and grabbed the bag of groceries he had put down.  
"I got us some..." he began but Roger interrupted him.  
"Mark, don't you think you should..."  
Mark looked up, confused and Roger pointed at the door.  
"I pissed her off pretty bad." Roger said.  
Mark flew to the door and Roger held back a laugh as he saw his small friend almost trip over his own legs.  
  
  
Roger wriggled his key in the lock and it finally opened with a bit of effort.  
"Damn rust." he muttered under breath. "It's not even winter anymore."  
The gig had taken its toll on his body.  
All he wanted to do was collapse into his bed and sleep for an hour until Mimi got home.  
He walked into the loft and was surrounded by an eerie silence. He threw his keys on the table and looked around, half expecting Mark to be sleeping on the couch, or even on the floor. But the room was empty.  
He shrugged to himself.   
Probably off filming somewhere, he thought, walking to his room, Or sleeping at Karalynn's place.  
He stopped when he saw Mark's door wide open. A slight movement caught his eye and he stepped quietly towards Mark's room.   
For a moment, he blinked, not knowing what to say or do.   
Mark lay sleeping on his side and Karalynn was right beside him. Mark's thick blanket, his only luxury besides his camera, covered them both but Roger could tell the two were both unclothed underneath. Mark lay on his side, one arm slung protectively around Karalynn's waist. His face was peaceful and happy and all Roger could do was stare in amazement at the change in his friend.   
He remembered all the nights when he had woken up to hear Mark tossing and turning in his bed, mumbling, sometimes screaming, in a restless sleep. All the nights when he would walk over to Mark's room and watch his face twist up in fear and anguish as he dreamed his joyless dreams. And now he slept, calmly and serenely in Karalynn's arms.   
She was awake and Roger almost stepped back but he watched, transfixed as she reached up, with one bare arm and gently touched Mark's face with her fingers. She traced the outline of his lips and then ran a finger down his cheek. Her gaze was reverential; adoring. Mark turned his face towards her, in his sleep and she smiled. She reached up again and began to play with his hair with her fingers.   
Every movement conveyed kindness and gentleness.   
She really does love him, he thought.   
Roger suddenly felt ashamed- an emotion he wasn't used to feeling. His cheeks blushed as he remembered all the words he had flung at her the week before. He turned around as quietly as he could, realizing that he was invading their privacy, but instead stepped on a creaky board.   
Shit, he thought, she probably heard that.   
He turned around and saw her look up in surprise. Mark was still sleeping soundly and Roger noticed that Karalynn tried not to bother him as she covered herself with the blanket.  
"I.. I'm sorry." he said as quietly as he could. There was no mistaking the anger in her eyes and for a moment, he felt his own anger rise up inside of him. Then he remembered that she had a right to be angry. "I was just walking to my room. Didn't mean to bother you."  
Karalynn rolled her eyes and turned back to Mark. Roger meant to walk away but he stopped again.  
"Karalynn?"  
She looked up, annoyed that he hadn't left yet.   
"I'm sorry about... all the things I said to you." he said. "I was wrong. Really wrong. You are good for him and you do love him. I was an asshole to say those things to you without giving you a chance."  
Karalynn stared at him for a moment and then turned her eyes back to Mark. She was ignoring him and Roger sighed. He turned around again and headed towards his room.  
"Roger."  
He peeked back in Mark's room.  
"Could you please close the door?" she asked.  
"Sure."  
He turned the knob so that it wouldn't make noise as it settled into the door frame. As he fell into his bed he realized that she had said please.  
  
Karalynn closed her eyes and nestled her head against Mark's neck. She had almost fallen asleep when she felt his grasp on her tighten slightly.  
"You know that must have been really hard for him." Mark said in a quiet, hoarse voice. She looked up at him and found that his eyes were still closed.  
"Apologizing for Roger is almost as hard as it is for you."  
"Almost." she said with a smile. Mark opened his sleepy eyes and smiled back at her.   
"He's really sorry, Kara."  
"I know." she said, closing her eyes again.   
"Are you gonna forgive him?"  
"I already did." she said, yawning. "I just didn't feel like getting out of bed."  
"So you'll talk to him in the morning?" Mark said, feeling the pull of his eyelids growing heavy.  
"Promise." He heard her say. He felt her lips on his cheek and he smiled as he drifted off into sleep once again.  
  
The next morning Mark woke up to an empty bed. He felt a sudden wave of panic and then he heard laughter coming from outside.   
He paused.  
Karalynn and Roger's voice, though muffled, floated into his room and made him grin. He hastily threw on a shirt and a pair of jeans and scurried through the door, holding his glasses in one hand and combing his hair with the other.  
"Hey what's so funny!?" he mock-demanded in a low voice. He slipped his glasses on and sat down on a chair next to Karalynn.  
Karalynn and Roger looked up at him from their seats at the table. They had eaten breakfast - evidenced by the empty bowls of cereal in front of them. Karalynn wore Mark's sweater and her now wrinkled slacks and she had tied her hair back into a ponytail.   
"Roger and I were talking about you and your camera." she said with a big grin.  
Mark looked at Roger suspiciously.  
"What did you say, Roger?" he asked, painfully aware of how whiney his voice sounded.  
"I just told her how you handled your camera before and how it was almost like a masturbatory thing...."  
Karalynn started to giggle again and then Roger joined in with his gruff laugh and Mark gave up.  
He started to laugh too.   
"Christ, I thought I wanted you guys to be friends." he muttered. "I think I liked it better the way it was before."   
Roger reached over and ruffled Mark's hair playfully. "Aw come on, Mark." he said, winking at Karalynn. "It's not like I told her how you're like when you get drunk..."  
Mark looked at Roger, his blue eyes wide with trepidation. "Roooger!"  
Karalynn laughed and stood up. "While I would love to hear what Roger has to say, I really need to get home." she said. "I have to go through my notes for tomorrow's class."   
She kissed the top of Mark's head and walked over to the couch, picking up her jacket. She turned around and blinked at Mark. "Uh, I tried looking for my shirt but apparently it got lost when... well, can I borrow your..."  
"Go ahead." Mark said, blushing. "Are you coming over tonight? Or..."  
She nodded and then waved at both of them, dancing out of their front door. Mark looked at the door longingly.  
"Is she real?" he asked Roger, still staring at the door.  
"Yes she is, Mark. And she is head over heels in love with you." Roger said, hitting him on the arm. "I was wrong about her. I'm sorry for doubting you."  
Mark looked at Roger and waited as Roger struggled to go on. "I just didn't want to watch another Maureen... break you. And I've been a jerk to you too. I mean I ran away when you needed me the... I just... I didn't want to sit back and let someone else... but I think I know her a little now and... she's... well, she's ..."  
"Different?" Mark offered. Roger nodded.  
"I mean, she reminds me of me. Kinda tough but..."  
"A big softie on the inside?" Mark said with a smile.  
Roger glared at him and then smiled.   
Slightly.   
"I wasn't gonna say it like that." he said sarcastically. "Shit Cohen, you have a way with words."  
Mark smiled and looked back at the door.   
Roger looked at him and then laughed out loud. Mark looked at him, confused.  
"What?"  
"Is that what I look like when I'm waiting for Mimi to come home?" Roger asked. Mark grinned, reached over and picked up his camera still perched on its stand. He aimed it at his face and turned it on.   
"Zoom in on Mark." he said. "Wearing the look Roger wears when he waits for Mimi to come home."  
In the background, he heard Roger mutter, "Christ."  
Mark grinned at the lens. 


	5. Ch. 5 The Right Thing (Part 1)

Disclaimer: Karalynn: mine. Everyone else: Jonathan Larson.   
Hmm, I don't know how everyone will take this. I'm sort of unsure about it myself. It ends off sorta leaving stuff up in the air but Part 2 will clear it up. Oh well, keep R/R please!  
  
  
Ch. 5- The Right Thing (Part 1)  
  
Please God, don't let it happen today.  
Please.  
Not five mornings in a row.  
Please.  
Karalynn held her breath and waited.  
Good.  
Nothing.  
She could hear the still sleeping Mark, softly breathing next to her.   
She turned her head towards him and looked at his face. It was illuminated by one thin, weak mid-October sunbeam that was peeking out from a space between the curtains.  
His cheeks were pink and his lips were only slightly set apart. His blonde hair stuck in different directions and Karalynn was tempted to reach up and play with the soft, downy strands.   
Later on, when he woke up, he would drench his head in gel.  
She had her chance now.  
Karalynn twisted herself around his arms, a maneuver she had perfected months ago, and gently reached up and touched his hair. She loved the way his hair felt between her fingertips. It always seemed to be warm to the touch. His comforting scent reminded her of her friend's young infant or fresh bread in the morning from the bakery when she walked to work.   
Mark murmured in his sleep and she smiled. She moved to hug him when she felt it.   
It.   
It was happening.  
Again.  
As carefully and as quickly as she could she slid her feet into her slippers and ran out of Mark's room. She crept across the loft in less than two seconds and scampered down the stairs to Mimi's apartment.  
She pounded on the door and Mimi opened it.   
Her big brown eyes were still red with sleep and they grew wide when Karalynn pushed her aside and ran into her bathroom.  
"Chica, what's going...." Mimi said.   
And then she froze.  
The sound of Karalynn vomiting echoed out into the living room.   
Mimi shuffled across her room and stood outside of the bathroom. She knocked lightly on the closed door. "Karalynn? Honey? Are you okay?"   
"M'Fine." Mimi heard Karalynn mutter. "Drinking too much last night."  
Mimi paused. "Chica, we were all with you and Mark last night." she said. "And we didn't drink."  
She heard the toilet flush and she swung the door open.  
Mimi looked in, confused.   
There was no one inside.  
And then she looked down.  
Karalynn was curled up on the floor with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around her legs.  
Mimi sniffed the air and frowned.   
Yech.   
"How long has this been going on?" Mimi asked softly.   
"Almost a week." Karalynn said. She looked up at Mimi and shook her head.  
"It must be stress." she muttered. "I started my new job and Mark's film took off and..."  
"That was two months ago, sweetie. You can't use that excuse. It's old news." Mimi said. She kneeled down next to Karalynn on the cold floor and shivered. "Come on, let's go over to the nice comfy couch outside."  
Karalynn nodded and Mimi slid her arm around her waist, helping her up to her feet. Karalynn walked haltingly, holding her stomach but Mimi had no trouble dragging her across the room.   
When Karalynn was settled Mimi sat down on the small wooden table in front of her. She stared at the woman's face and saw angles she had never noticed before.   
"Karalynn! You're so bony!" Mimi exclaimed. "What happened? Haven't you been eating?"  
Karalynn leaned back on the soft, worn couch and sighed.  
"No appetite." she said wearily. "The thought of food makes me..." She shivered in disgust.  
Mimi studied her face and narrowed her eyes in thought.  
"So how late are you?" she asked.  
"What?" Karalynn said, looking up in wariness.   
"Your period, how late is it?" Mimi asked.   
"I am not preg..."  
Mimi smiled at Karalynn and touched her hand. It was a simple gesture but one filled with kindness and warmth. It made Karalynn shut her mouth and think.  
"Two weeks." Karalynn said dully. Her free hand went up to her forehead and she sat in disbelief. "I'm two weeks late. Christ, I didn't even notice."  
Mimi nodded and squeezed her hand. "I take it you haven't taken a pregnancy test." she said.  
Karalynn shook her head. "Oh God, this isn't happening. Mimi, I can't..."  
"Kara, just buy the test first." she said calmly. "Don't press your panic button yet."  
Karalynn nodded and leaned back.   
"I feel lousy." she muttered.  
"My momma used to say the same exact thing when she was pregnant with my brother." Mimi said with a grin. Her brown eyes flashed mischievously. "Of course, she said it in Spanish but same difference."  
Karalynn couldn't even bring herself to smile.  
"Mimi, I can't be pregnant." she said quietly. "Mark and I have always.. we always use.."  
"Condoms."  
"Yeah and I take...I mean, I'm on...you know... I'm taking..."  
"Birth control pills" Mimi slapped Karalynn's knee. "Geez girl, you're having sex with the boy, you're allowed to say condom and birth control pills."  
Karalynn grimaced and waved her hand in the air.  
"Fine. Condom. Birth control pills." she muttered. "I meant to say that we've always been careful. So I don't understand how..."  
"Accidents do happen." Mimi said. She looked at Karalynn's worried, drawn face. "Look, I'll go down to the store and buy a test for you if you want. Mark hasn't noticed what's been going on?"  
Karalynn shook her head. "I've been trying to keep quiet. He caught me, once. On Wednesday." she muttered. Her head felt heavy and her stomach felt worse. "I told him I had the flu. He still keeps trying to shove chicken soup down my throat."  
Mimi giggled and even Karalynn cracked a smile.  
It slowly disappeared.  
"Mimi, Mark's career is just taking off." she said quietly. "I can't do this to him. It's not fair. He's finally happy..."  
"Karalynn, he's happy because he's with you." Mimi said, staring at Karalynn as if she were stupid. "He had the confidence to go out and sell his stuff because he had you...."  
Suddenly Roger walked out of the bedroom.  
"Hey Mimi..." he said, rubbing his eyes like a child. His blonde hair stuck up wildly and his face was badly in need of a shave. "I woke up and you were gone. I can't sleep without..."   
And then he opened his eyes and saw Karalynn.  
"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.   
He didn't exactly like her but she had grown on him.  
"Where's Mark?" he asked.  
He squinted at her and frowned.  
"By the way, you look like shit, Kara."   
"Shut up, you insensitive ass!" Mimi said, scolding him. "Don't say that to her! She's carrying Mark's baby!"  
Roger's eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped. Karalynn's head jerked up and she glared at Mimi.  
"Christ Mimi, did you have to...."  
"He's my boyfriend! I tell him..."  
"She's what?!" Roger exclaimed. He stomped over to the couch and stared at her. "You're what?!"  
"Don't. Yell. At. Me." Karalynn hissed. And then she winced. "Now look what you did. You made my head hurt."  
But Roger didn't hear her. He sat down next to Mimi and stared at Karalynn in disbelief.  
"Mark knocked you up?" he said in awe. "Are you sure it was Mark?"  
Mimi slapped him on the arm and he made a face.  
"Ouch, hey!" Roger said, rubbing his arm. "I was kidding! I mean, Christ, Mark's gonna be a father. That's in-fucking-credible. It's great, Kara, really. Does he know?"  
Karalynn rubbed her temples, severely annoyed.  
"No because I'm not even sure yet." she said in a low voice. "Look you two, I hate to burst your bubble but before you start trying to shove baby names up my ass, I have to get back upstairs before Mark knows I'm gone. I'll take a pregnancy test today."  
Mimi smiled at her. "Tell us as soon as you find out!" she said happily. "I love babies!"  
Roger turned to look at her and arched his eyebrow. "Really?"  
Mimi winked. "What's going on in that head of your, Roger Davis?" she asked coyly.   
Roger grinned. "Wanna go make one right now?"  
Karalynn rolled her eyes and stood up. "Could you guys please wait until I'm completely out of your apartment? For Christ's sake, I'm still in the room!"  
Mimi and Roger laughed and Karalynn shuffled over to the door. She had just opened it when Benny walked in.  
His handsome face was beaming.  
"I'm here to pick up the rent!" he called out and then he stopped to look at Karalynn.  
Roger stood up and walked in front of Mimi. His face grew taut and angry.  
"Look Benny, it's too fucking early to pull this shit." Roger said.   
But Benny barely heard him.  
"And who might this beautiful creature be?" Benny said smoothly, reaching for Karalynn's hand.   
Karalynn glared at him and pulled back her hand before his lips could touch her skin.  
She looked back at Roger.  
"Who is this guy?" she asked.  
"That fuck is Benny." Roger said. "I'm sure Mark told you about him. He's our landlord. Our former roommate who married uptown and finked on his promise that we didn't have to pay rent. The same Benny who..."  
Mimi tugged on his hand. "Roger that's enough." she hissed at him.   
Benny waved his hand away, as if warding off all of Roger's words. "Well, I'll waive this month's rent if this enchanting woman before me gives me her name." he said, turning back to Karalynn.  
Karalynn glanced up at Roger. "Is he serious?" she asked.  
"As a heart attack." Benny answered for him. "No rent for October, if you.."  
Karalynn crossed her arms. "I'm Karalynn Demerin." she said.   
"And I am Benjamin Coffin the Third." he said with a smile.   
Karalynn's face grew thoughtful. "As in Alison Gray Coffin? " she asked. "She's taking my Psychology 490 class." Her eyes traveled down to his hand. "By the way. Nice wedding ring."  
Benny took a step back and looked at her as if seeing her clearly for the first time. His cocky grin slid off.  
"You're a professor? At NYU?" he asked, confused. "What are you doing here?"  
Roger walked up to them and grinned at Benny. "Oh she just came down here to chat." he said. "She's actually Mark's girlfriend. Well, Mark's pregnant girlfriend..."  
"Oh fuck!" Karalynn exclaimed. "Goddamn it, Roger!"  
She threw up her hands and walked out of the door. As she trudged up the stairs she heard Benny exclaim.  
"Mark got that woman pregnant? Are you sure?!"  
  
Two days later, Karalynn sat down on the floor of her bathroom, staring at four, slim sticks on her sink.  
For the first time in her life she had nothing to say.  
No sarcastic remarks.  
No witty comments.  
Not even a curse word.  
The sticks spoke for themselves.  
Each one was a different brand but all of them said the same thing.  
She didn't know why she had waited so long. She supposed that she just wanted it to go away. The very idea that she could be, might be, was now certainly pregnant, was terrifying.   
So terrifying that she couldn't speak.  
Mark, I'm so sorry, she thought as she stared at the sticks.  
I know you didn't sign up for this when we got together.  
I ruined you.  
I ruined us.  
Suddenly the phone rang and she jumped, startled.  
She got up to her feet and walked outside with rubber legs.  
She stared down at her phone, at the number that blinked up on its caller id screen.  
Karalynn finally found her voice.  
"I'm sorry, Mark." she said quietly.   
The phone kept ringing.  
  
Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this, Roger thought as he looked at the shiny, dark wooden door in front of him.   
Number 23.  
The shiny gold numbers winked in the bright hall light and Roger felt strange.  
He felt like he was standing in quicksand. His boots were embedded at least an inch deep within the cream carpeting.  
He didn't belong here. With his dirty gray shirt and ripped up jeans.  
This was Karalynn's apartment. Her world.  
He reached up and knocked on the door.  
Actually, he pounded his fist on the door.  
"Dammit, Karalynn, open up!" he yelled. "I know you're in there!"  
No answer.  
"Karalynn! Open up!"  
"Hey buddy shut up!" a voice called out from behind a door. "Some people are trying to sleep here!"  
Roger bit down on his anger and pounded again. "Karalynn! Karalynn! Answer the fucking door!"  
Karalynn swung the door open and glared at him.   
"Will you keep it down!" she shushed him. She grabbed his arm and pulled him in, slamming the door shut.  
"Roger, do you want me to get kicked out?" she cried out. "Is that what you want? A homeless pregnant woman?"  
Roger stared at her numbly.She looked haggard and thin, her eyes were defined by dark circles and her mouth was pulled down in a frown.  
She stomped over to the kitchen counter and picked up a cracker.  
"So you are pregnant." he said quietly.   
Karalynn bit into a cracker and avoided his gaze. "What do you want, Roger?" she asked, chewing on the saltless cracker.  
Roger made a face and sat down on a stool. "Nice pad." he said, looking around. "Too clean though. How the hell can you live in this place?"  
Karalynn rubbed her temples with both hands and shut her eyes. When she looked back at him, her face was irked.   
"Could you maybe get to the point?" she said, annoyed. "What do you want?"   
Roger sat up and glared at her. "You know exactly why I'm here." he said grimly.  
Karalynn looked away, her eyes blank and aloof. Roger suddenly knew what it was like for Mark all those times when he tried to get to Roger when Roger didn't feel like talking to him. It was like talking to a brick wall.   
"Fine, ignore me." Roger said. "But you are going to sit there and listen. You haven't talked to Mark in more than a week. You haven't answered his calls and now he won't leave the loft. He's fucking glued himself to the phone. He won't even let me near the damn machine!"  
Karalynn's bored expression didn't change. "And?"  
"And?!" Roger exclaimed. "You're carrying his baby! Dammit Karalynn, now is not the time to act like super bitch on us!"  
"Roger, you don't understand." she sighed, breaking another cracker in half. "This is for the best."  
"The best for who?" he asked. "You? In a few months you're gonna need all the help you can get. You think you can do this on your own?"  
Karalynn broke another cracker in half.   
"It's the best for Mark." she said simply.  
Roger looked confused. "How is this the best for Mark?" he asked. "He's practically starving himself by staying in the loft. He won't eat. He won't sleep. He hasn't changed his clothes in days. I thought you loved him."  
Karalynn ran her fingers through her tangled hair. She was getting frustrated and Roger wanted to push her further. He wanted her to yell at him again. To show some emotion. It was the only way Mark could ever get through to him. By making him explode and then picking up the pieces.   
"I do love Mark." Karalynn muttered.   
"I know you do." Roger said. "But you know what? I don't like you very much. And I only put up with you because Mark asked me too. If this were about any other thing, I'd say fuck it. Let her go, Mark. But that's his baby you're carrying. From what I hear it's a lifetime commitment you've got now!"  
Her eyes fluttered up to his suddenly and she for a moment she looked alarmed. "Does he know? About the..."  
"We all thought it would be better if it came from you." Roger said. He leaned forward and pushed her crackers off the to the side. "Look, is this about hormones?"  
An expression of annoyance crossed her face. "Oh fuck off." she muttered.   
He wanted to shake her.  
"Snap out of it!" he yelled. "You're pregnant! And it's Mark's baby! It's his baby! And you're sitting here like some fucking teenager going through a mood swing! You think you're doing him a favor by staying away from him?! You're killing him! And from what I can tell, you're fucking yourself over too! Look at you! Is this all you've been eating all week? Crackers?!"  
Karalynn glared at him but she didn't say anything.  
So Roger went on.  
"What kind of mother are you going to make when you can't even take care of your fucking self?! When you don't even have the guts to tell the father of your baby it's his?!"   
He stood up and pushed his face so close against hers he could see her irises widen.   
"Fuck, Kara, GROW UP!"  
Karalynn's hands shot out at him and Roger stumbled back, stunned.  
She was a lot stronger than she looked.  
She came around the counter and screamed in his face.   
"Don't you ever, EVER get up in my face like that!" she yelled. "You may be bigger than me and you may be stronger than me and I may be pregnant but I can still kick your ass!"  
Roger's blue eyes widened and for a moment, they both stared at each other, not knowing what to do.  
"You think... you... can kick my ass?" he said, incredulous. "Did I just hear you right?"  
He started to laugh and after a few minutes of hearing his gruff, throaty laughter Karalynn joined in.  
She sat down on her thick carpet and Roger did the same, holding his stomach and laughing.  
He had to wipe the tears from his eyes.  
"Hey, don't push it!" Karalynn exclaimed but she was smiling at him. Roger grinned at her and moved over to where she was sitting.  
They shared a moment of silence and Roger gazed up at the painting above the couch.  
"Mark told me about that painting." he said after awhile. "He said your father did it. It's pretty amazing."  
Karalynn smiled slightly. "Yup." she said quietly. She turned her head to look at him.   
"Is he really that bad?" Karalynn asked.   
Roger looked at her and nodded. "Worse." he said. "He needs you. You need him. I don't understand why you're hiding from him."  
"He's just now getting back on his feet." Karalynn said. Her face was somber. "I don't want to be the one who knocks him down again. I mean, he seems so fragile sometimes. He's so eager to make everything wonderful that.... damn, Roger, if I spring this up on him now it's going to mess up everything he's worked so hard for. I just can't do that to him."  
"You know, you're giving him a lot less credit than he deserves." Roger said. "You, out of all people, should know that Mark is a lot tougher than he looks. Having you around has even toughened him up a little more. He's more confident now. He's happier. Karalynn... I know he told you about the shit that went down last year but I don't think he told you that he was the one who pulled me out of the funk I got in after..." Roger took a deep breath. "After April died. She was my ex girlfriend."  
Karalynn lowered her head. "Mark mentioned her. He didn't go into detail. I figured it was between you and him."  
"I wanted to die." Roger said quietly. "It was like... I was in a storm and I was drowning. I probably would have died if Mark hadn't been there. He was my life line. He was my life support."  
Karalynn looked down again and stared at his hand. His fingertips were calloused and hard but when he put his hand over hers, his touch was gentle.  
"You really care for him." she said quietly.  
He nodded. "Yeah." he said. He squeezed her hand. "And I know he loves you... I know how he feels about you. Mimi and I... I love her so much it makes me... I just... It drives me crazy sometimes. One day I'm going to lose her. We have...."  
"I know."  
Roger looked at her in surprise and then shrugged.   
"Mimi taught me that the only thing I can do is to live in the here and now." Roger said. "The future and past don't exist. Each moment could be my last. Cherish the moments that make you happy, Karalynn. You can't sit here and hide in your apartment from a future that might not even happen. And at this point, I might not have the chance to see how this ends. Mark's willing to give you everything he has. This won't break him. Give him a chance to prove that to you."   
Roger paused.  
He leaned his head back against the counter wall and laughed.   
"God this is so fucked up." he muttered. "I'm sitting here trying to convince someone else not to run and hide. How the hell did I get here?"  
He stared at the painting again and when he spoke next, his voice sounded odd.  
"How'd you do it Kara?" he asked quietly.  
"Do what?"  
"Open up his shell." Roger asked. He didn't look at her as he spoke. "Mark was like a fucking clam. He could talk about everyone else except himself. He thought that his camera would speak for him, be his voice. How'd you...?"  
Karalynn looked at him. "Do you know why my major was in psychology?" she asked.   
Roger shrugged. "'Cause you wanted to fuck with people's minds?." he teased.   
But her face was serious.  
"I liked people's stories." she said quietly. "I liked listening to them. I liked hearing about their lives. I liked trying to figure out why they did the things they did. I know I act like I could care less sometimes but when someone starts talking about themselves..."   
She smiled suddenly. "Do you know what Mark and I did for our first date?"  
"What?"  
"We took a really long walk." she said. She laughed out loud. "At first all he did was put that damn camera in my face and I wanted to grab it and throw it on the ground. I told him I would go home if he didn't turn it off. I think I scared him because he did." She shrugged. "And then, I asked him what he filmed and he just...."   
Roger grinned. "Yeah. I get it." he said. "You liked his story."  
"More than that. I liked the way he saw things." she said. "I liked listening to his voice."  
He moved to stand up. "Come on, let's get you where you need to be."  
"Roger, I'm scared." Karalynn whispered. He looked back at her face and saw the fear in her eyes. She looked terrified, to say the least. "What if...?"  
Roger shook his head. "There are no what if's, Kara." he said. "You can't think about ten thousand possibilities because in the end we only live one life. Make sure you spend this lifetime doing the right thing."  
Karalynn looked at him. "The right thing?" she repeated. "And what would that be, Roger?"  
"That would be spending this lifetime with Mark." 


	6. Ch. 6 The Right Thing (Part 2) + Epilogu...

Disclaimer: Karalynn-mine. Everyone else- Jonathan Larson.  
Okay this is the end. Well... maybe. I have an alternate ending all lined up. If anyone wants to check it out, just ask!  
Anyway, hope this lives up to expectation. If not- well...there's always Plan B....*oooo suspense!*  
  
  
Ch. 6- The Right Thing (Part 2)  
  
Karalynn opened the door to the loft with her key and took a cautious step inside. It was dark and cold and she shivered as she closed the door behind her. It took her a few seconds of blinking to get accustomed to the dim early morning light. She buttoned up her coat and stuck her hands in her pockets while looking around.  
"Mark?" she called out softly. She could see her breath fade into fog before her eyes. She shivered and walked further into the loft.   
There was a light underneath the door of Mark's bedroom. She took a step forward and then stopped, hesitating.  
Can I do this? she asked herself.   
She looked around the loft and bit her lip, thinking.  
After waiting for Karalynn to get herself cleaned up and dressed, Roger had practically shoved her out into the street and almost dragged her towards the loft before remembering she had a car.  
The drive had been long and painful.   
Roger had tried to tell her what to say and what to do when she finally saw Mark; it had been enough to make Karalynn finally allow someone to touch her precious cd player. He had filled her car with music from the one and only rock cd she owned and the volume had made her ears ring.   
But it still wasn't enough to drown out the voices in her head.  
What was Mark going to say?  
What was Mark going to do?  
What were they going to do?  
Each stair she climbed was done so in agony and when Roger had disappeared behind Mimi's apartment door, she stood there staring at it for a long time.  
And now, she was standing in front of Mark's closed door doing the same thing.  
I could turn around right now, she thought.  
I could just go home and....  
And?  
She had no answer.  
Karalynn took a deep breath and pushed the door open.  
  
Mark lay on his side, on his bed, hugging his camera. He stared mindlessly at the phone and the answering machine on the table in front of him. He had dragged both items into his room on the second day Karalynn stopped returning his calls, ignoring Roger's scream filled protests. His bed was covered with reels and reels of film- all of them containing images of Karalynn.   
A week ago he could believe that it was a mistake- her not calling him back. He could fool himself into believing that she was in the shower or just running out the door or at work. But then two days turned into three and Mark had gone to her apartment. He remembered how he felt when he turned the key in the lock and it didn't work.   
She had used the deadbolt.   
She never used the deadbolt.  
He had tried to reach her at work and even then she didn't pick up. Mark knew her schedule even better than he knew his own. He knew she was in. He knew she was ignoring him.  
It was at that moment that breathing had become painful.  
He had crept into bed after that day and had stayed in it since. He knew she wouldn't call him but he still had to hang on to something, anything, to keep sane.  
His eyes hurt. They were swollen and raw from crying and his hand hurt from gripping Karalynn's key so tightly in the palm of his hand. But he wouldn't let it go. If he did then it would be true.  
Karalynn didn't love him anymore.  
Mark heard himself whimper. His eyes began to burn again as tears filled them.  
She didn't love him anymore.  
How could she?  
He hadn't even heard from her in over a week.  
What else was he supposed to believe?   
  
"Mark?"  
Oh God. He was hearing things now.  
He shut his eyes, feeling his tears rip down the well worn path across his face.  
No No No No No No   
He felt someone sit on his bed. Then he felt a warm hand on the side of his face. He opened his eyes, looked up and drew back, startled.  
Karalynn.  
"Mark, I'm sorry." she said softly. He stared at her, his shiny blue eyes unbelieving.   
"Kara?" he said. His throat hurt with the effort of talking. He hadn't spoken in days, even when Roger had screamed at him, or when Maureen had tried to drag him out of bed. He had ignored Mimi's pleas to eat and he couldn't even look Collins in the eye, much less speak to him.  
"I'm sorry, Mark, about the past few days. I...." She lowered her eyes. "There's something I have to tell you."  
He sat up, feeling dizzy for a moment.   
It had been the first time he sat up in days.  
He stared at Karalynn, his mind suddenly filling with a dozen thoughts and images. He thought about the feel of her lips on his, the way he felt when he held her, the sight of her eyes when she looked at him, the sound of her laughter when he tickled her.   
They all flooded his mind and made him......  
It made him think.....  
"Who is he?" he asked lifelessly.  
Her small face blanched and she stared at him, confused. Her hair was pinned back into a tight ponytail and her jacket looked two sizes too big. Her eyes seemed to take up half of her face and she looked younger than her twenty four years.  
"What?"   
Mark's heart tightened in his chest and he forced the words out. "Who is he, Karalynn?"  
She frowned. "Mark, what are you talking about...."  
She leaned forward to touch him again and he pushed her hand away.  
"Who'd you leave me for?" he asked bitterly.   
Karalynn stared at him, feeling the blood drain from her face. His blue eyes were watery and enraged. He had never looked at her like that before- he was so angry and hurt and it was all directed at her. His shoulders stuck out sharply from underneath his sweater and his cheeks looked gaunt.   
Roger was right. He was doing badly.  
"Mark, there's no one else." she said quietly. "How could you..."  
"How could I? How could you?!" he suddenly yelled. "I've been cheated on before, you know! I know how this script plays out!"  
Karalynn drew in a cold breath and closed her eyes briefly.   
She couldn't believe what he was saying.  
She almost laughed at how far off he was from the truth.  
"Mark, I know you're angry at me and you have every right to be but I am not..."  
"Then why'd you leave me?"  
Karalynn blinked. "Mark, I didn't leave you... I just needed time to...I have to tell you something, Mark. I'm..."  
"Yes you did!" he cried out. His thin chest hitched and he held back a sob. "You left me hanging for nine days. Nine fucking days! What did you expect me to think, Karalynn? I waited for you to come back. I waited for you to call me and tell me everything was okay! I waited to hear some stupid excuse. I waited for you even when I knew you weren't coming!"   
He took off his glasses and covered his eyes with one hand. When he brought his eyes back to her face, Karalynn's heart sank. He looked so broken and so wounded; his features were stamped with anguish. This was her fault.   
All she wanted to do was reach out to him and hold him. She wanted to be held by him, to be protected by him, to be loved by him. She wanted to be forgiven by him.  
She wanted to be everything by him.  
But he was miles away from her now.  
"I'm not cheating on you, Mark." she said quietly. Her voice was cold and controlled. She drew herself up and forced herself not to explode. "I've never cheated on you. I would never do that. That has nothing to do with what I came here to say."  
Tears slipped down his cheeks and he made no move to wipe them away.  
"I trusted you." he said, his voice trembling. "I trusted you not to hurt me. I was wrong about you. Roger was right the first time."  
Karalynn's head snapped back as if she had been hit. She stood up and walked away from his bed, turning her back on him.  
"What exactly was Roger right about?" she asked quietly. She closed her eyes.  
"He told me you were no good for me!" Mark said. He sobbed out loud. "He said that if I got too attached to you I'd end up... I'd end up getting hurt. Like I got hurt every time I loved someone."  
"Mark, I am not cheating on you. I am not lying to you. And I am not leaving you."  
"I've heard that before." Mark stood up and leaned on the table for support. His legs felt weak. "Believe me Karalynn, I've heard so many variations of those lines I could write a book. I remember the first time I called you. I heard a man's voice in the background... is that the guy?"  
Karalynn opened her eyes and frowned. "What?"  
"Don't lie to me!" Mark cried. "Was that him? You said it was the tv and..."  
Recollection suddenly hit Karalynn and she spun around.  
"It was the fucking television!" she screamed. "Dammit Mark, I had to retype the papers that got soaked in the snow when you bumped into me! I stayed up all night to do that and I just wanted to watch my goddam te..."  
Mark stared at her. "But your voice sounded...."  
"I was tired then, Mark." she said, becoming subdued again. "I'm tired now."   
And she was.   
She wanted to sit down, or better yet, lay down some where quiet and peaceful.   
She just wanted to get this over with.  
She just wanted to go.  
"Look Mark, I'm sorry for everything." she said. She looked away, past him, at the wall. At his camera. At the phone. Anything to avoid his eyes. "I'm sorry for the last nine days. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for..."  
... being pregnant....  
She sighed heavily. "I'm just sorry, Mark." she muttered out loud. She held up her hands for him to see. "If you want me to go, I'll go."  
Mark could only stare at her.  
She smiled weakly. "I love you." she whispered. Suddenly it was hard for her to find the strength to speak. She had never felt so weak before. "I don't think I say it enough. But I do. I love you. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I guess I just needed time to gather up the courage to... I came here to explain why I... to tell you that..."   
She looked at his anguished expression and felt defeated.   
It was over. There was no point in explaining.   
There was no point in sticking around.  
She could see it in his eyes.  
"But I can see that whatever I say to you now...."   
His face was tight and tense. He was on the verge of crying again and she didn't think she could handle having to watch him break down. She looked into his eyes one last time and nodded.  
"Okay Mark. You don't have to say it." she said softly. "I'll go."   
She stuck her hands in her pockets again and walked out of his room.   
She didn't look back as she walked across the loft towards the door.  
I can do this, she thought as she closed the door behind her.  
My father was a single parent.  
I can be one too.  
No emotions.  
I feel nothing.  
She paused before walking down the stairs.   
A familiar sensation swept over her body.  
She gritted her teeth.  
Fuck.  
It was morning.  
Right on schedule.  
She ran down the stairs and pounded on Mimi's door.   
This time Roger was the one who opened it. He grinned at her, expecting the best.  
"Hey, so how'd it...."  
She shoved him to the side and ran towards the bathroom, barely making it before she fell to her knees in front of the toilet. Her stomach flipped and she gripped the sides of the bowl as she heaved the contents of her meager dinner out.   
She couldn't help sobbing between interims.   
She hadn't cried for years and now she felt as if she couldn't stop.   
The world around her spun at a dizzying speed and she leaned forward, again and again and again, until nothing came up.  
At last, she flushed the toilet with one heavy hand, wiping her mouth with the other.  
What am I going to do? she thought frantically.  
What will I do now?  
What can I do now?  
I.  
Me.  
By myself.  
No Mark.  
No one.  
Panic overwhelmed her and she began to shake uncontrollably.   
She bit her lip, willing herself to stop crying but her body refused to obey.  
Tears blurred her eyes and she sat back, weeping against the cold wall.   
She heard footsteps coming towards the bathroom and she drew her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her arms, turning away from the closed door.  
"Karalynn!" Roger yelled, pounding on the door. "Open up!"  
Oh hell, she thought.  
"Roger, go away!" she mustered up enough strength to yell. "I don't wanna deal with your shit right now!"  
The doorknob rattled as he tried to open the door.  
"KARALYNN!" he screamed. "OPEN THE DOOR!"  
She stood up and grabbed some toilet paper, wiping her face quickly. She tried to keep her shoulders steady and when Roger kicked the locked door down, she ran past him.  
"You didn't tell him?!"  
"Fuck off!"  
"Karalynn, come back here!" he yelled but she ignored him. She sped down the rest of the stairs, skipping two and three steps at a time and flew out of the front door on unsteady legs. He tried to run after her but by the time he got down to the street, Karalynn was gone.  
"Fuck!" Roger screamed out in frustration. He tore back up the stairs to the loft and stomped into Mark's bedroom.  
"Get up." Roger commanded.   
Mark was on his bed. His head was buried in his arms.  
"Go away." Mark said. His voice was muffled.   
"Dammit Mark..." Roger mumbled. He reached forward and dragged the smaller man out of his bed.   
Mark landed on the floor with a thud and he sat up, blinking up at Roger with swollen, surprised eyes. Mark glared at him and then scrambled back to his feet, determined to get back on his bed.  
"Oh no you don't." Roger said. He grabbed Mark by his shoulders and forced him to look at him. "You are going to get your ass together and you are going to run after your girlfriend..."  
"She's not my girlfriend anymore!" Mark screamed, struggling to free himself from Roger's tight grasp but Roger only tightened his grip. "She left me!"  
"No she didn't! Goddamn it Mark!" Roger cried out. "She's..."  
"Yes she did!"  
"... PREGNANT!"  
Mark's mouth closed shut and his blue eyes grew darker. Roger finally released his death grip on him and Mark stumbled back, his body stunned at the sudden freedom.  
"You heard me, Mark." Roger said, his voice dropping. "That's what she came here to say."  
"Is... is it mine?" Mark asked. He felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him. He struggled to take in a deep breath.  
Roger stared at him, incredulous. "No shit, Mark! Of course it's yours! Do you think she'd cheat on you?!" he cried out. "Run after her, Mark! Before she does something insane! You're the one who's always saying we're so fucking alike- I know what I'd do if I was in her shoes... but you know her better! What do you think she'd do?!"  
Mark's breath was ragged and his throat hurt.   
"She's pregnant?" he asked again. His head felt light and he looked around, confused. "It's mine? She's pregnant with my..."  
"You heard me the first time!" Roger yelled. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Mark! Don't push her away like I..." He ran his fingers through his hair and forced himself to calm down.  
"Okay Mark. No more babying you around." he said. "If you really think Karalynn's going to leave you, if you really believe she's cheating on you then go back to bed. If she's not worth running after then don't go after her. I can't make you do the right thing. I can't run your goddamn life for you."   
Roger was about to open his mouth to go on but the look on Mark's face made him stop.   
Mark wiped the tears from his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and then turned around to get his camera. When Mark turned around to face him again, Roger knew exactly what he was thinking.  
The two bestfriends needed only to look at each other to communicate. Words, feelings, thoughts flew through the space between them and Roger knew everything Mark wanted to say.  
Roger breathed a sigh of relief.   
He reached up and straightened the other man's glasses on his face. The silence between them was comfortable now and Roger knew Mark needed the quiet to compose himself. Slowly, Mark straightened up and brought his eyes up to Roger's gaze.  
Mark smiled at him and Roger smiled back.   
"No more crying, Mark." Roger said quietly. "My bike is still downstairs. It's a little rusty but it'll work. You'll need it. She drives like a fucking racecar driver."  
He stepped aside and Mark looked at him gratefully. With his camera in his hands he ran past his friend and when Roger heard the door slam shut, he jumped on Mark's bed and closed his eyes.  
Shit, he thought, those kids.   
What would they do without me?  
  
  
Her door was open.   
Mark took a moment to shake off the pain in his calves and ran a cold hand through his dirty hair. His heart was pounding in his chest, from both the hurried bike ride and the thought of Karalynn.  
Pregnant, she's pregnant Karalynn is pregnant she's preg-  
Mark shook his head, trying to clear his mind.  
He had thought about what he was going to say to her over and over in his mind, practicing the words silently as he sped past the people who were heading towards work.  
He gripped his camera so tightly, it creaked in his hand.  
He pushed the door further in and walked inside.  
The living room was lit by the morning light and it looked surreal. It was all too bright and friendly. He walked further inside, taking pictures of the room with his mind. Karalynn's bedroom door was wide open and he could hear noises coming from inside.  
He glanced into the bathroom.   
Her sink was empty.  
Her toothbrush was missing.  
Everything that had been on the counter was gone.  
He walked quietly to her room and stood at the doorway, watching her.  
He could barely breathe.  
She was frantically packing her clothes into two large suitcases that lay flat on her bed. His eyes studied her, from the way her long black hair moved down her back as she walked back and forth between the closet and bed, to the graceful movements of her white, delicate hands. The jacket she had worn that morning was cast aside and he studied her body. Her stomach was still flat and she looked haggard; exhausted, but her movements were quick and sure.  
She didn't look pregnant.   
Not yet, at least.  
Her pale cheeks glistened with tears. He watched as she wiped her face with the back of her hand, not missing a step.  
She's crying, he thought stunned.   
He had never seen her cry before.  
She suddenly stopped and for a moment Mark thought she knew he was watching her. But instead of turning to look at him, she held both hands up to her face and her shoulders moved up and down with noiseless sobs.   
"Oh God." she muttered outloud into her hands. "I don't know..."  
She stood still, with her face covered and Mark couldn't stand it anymore.   
He couldn't watch her cry.  
"Karalynn?" he spoke up, walking towards her. Her head jerked up and she took a step back away from him, looking startled. She hastily wiped her cheeks again and sniffed.  
"What do you want, Mark?" she asked. Her voice was thick with tears but her face had composed itself into a hard expression. "What'd you come here for? Are you going to accuse me of cheating again? Of leaving you?"  
"No, I...."  
"Well, this time you're right on target." she said bitterly. She grabbed a bright red sweater he had never seen her wear before and threw it into a suitcase. "I'm leaving."  
He shook his head. "Where are you going?"  
"Anywhere. Does it matter?" she asked. She shot him a hostile look. "I thought we were done talking. I guess I'm proving Roger right. His first assumption of me anyway. You can tell him he was right all along."  
"Roger doesn't think that of you anymore. You know that." Mark said softly. "He's the one who told me to run after you."  
Karalynn stopped packing and glared at him. Her gray eyes were red rimmed and outraged.   
"If that's the only reason you came here Mark, then I suggest you turn right around and go home. There's nothing here for you any..."  
"There's everything for me here." Mark said firmly. "There's you. You're here."  
Karalynn looked away and then walked towards her closet. She grabbed two more shirts from the rack and practically tore them from their hangers. Mark watched as she threw them into her suitcase and slammed it shut.  
"Don't go, Karalynn." he said quietly. She looked up at him, her face annoyed.  
"Just leave me alone!" she screamed. She ran her fingers through her tangled hair again and glared at him. "You made it perfectly clear that you don't trust me. You never did, did you? I asked you once what I was to you and you never told me. Well, now I know. I'm just another actress in some little film you think is your life!"  
"That's not true..." Mark began but Karalynn threw a hanger at his feet and he jumped back, looking up, alarmed.  
"Just get out!" she yelled. "Just let me go! Just go, Mark! Leave me alone and you can go live your life however you want it!"  
Her voice was angry and cruel but Mark could read her eyes as easily as he could a book. He knew her now, he had studied her eyes countless times. His mind had been clouded by doubt and fear and insecurity before but now, as he stood staring at her, his vision was clear. His mind was clear.  
Her eyes told him she was scared.  
Terrified.   
She looked away suddenly, realizing how intently he was staring at her.   
"Don't look at me like that." she mumbled, throwing another shirt into the other bag. "You always freak me out when you look at me like that. It's like you're..."  
"Reading your mind." Mark finished for her. She looked up, startled and then shook her head.   
"Whatever, Mark."  
"You can't leave."  
"Oh yeah? Watch me."  
"No, you can't."  
"Try and stop me."  
"You can't leave."   
"I can't stay!"  
"You're carrying our baby."  
She froze in the middle of reaching for another hanger. She slowly turned her head towards him and stared. And then her eyes grew shiny with tears and her shoulders drooped. Karalynn's face crumbled and she fell to her knees, sobbing. Mark had never seen her cry before this day, much less wail, and he felt surprised at how much of his movements were guided by instinct. He kneeled down beside her, putting his camera down and took her in his arms. At first she resisted, trying to pull away and cover her face but he didn't let go. She cried so hard that each sob shook her body and he felt his sweater grew damp with her tears. He held on to her so tightly that he was afraid he would break her but he couldn't let go.   
He wouldn't.   
He didn't want to.   
He rubbed her back soothingly and after a few minutes, she grew calm. Every few moments, her body would hitch but he would rock her slowly until she seemed to soften in his arms.   
For what seemed like an eternity of time, he held her, closing his eyes and drinking her in.   
"I'm so sorry, Mark." she said after awhile. "I fucked up."  
"Shhh. Don't say that." he said, stroking her hair. "You have nothing to be sorry about."  
"I have everything to be sorry about." she said. He felt her body clench up and he rubbed her back, trying to soothe her again. "Just let me go. You don't have to worry about this, Mark. I'm so sorry. I never, ever meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry....Just let me go. Please."  
"Do you..." He had to force himself to push the words out. "Are you going to keep.. it? Him or her? Or.."  
"I want to." she said simply. She looked up at him and her eyes were misty and clouded over. "Do you..?"  
"Yes, of course." he said with a smile. And then he paused.  
"Kara, all those things I said.. in my room... I didn't mean them. I was just... I thought..."  
"You were scared." she said quietly.   
"Yeah. I was."  
"I was scared too. I thought I was going to lose..."  
"Do you love me?" he asked suddenly. She pulled away from him and looked directly into his eyes.  
"I love you so much, Mark." she said sincerely. "It's ridiculous to love someone this much."  
He grinned at her and tugged at her sleeve. "I love you too, Karalynn. That's why you have to stay. We had this talk already, didn't we? I probably have it on film somewhere. We can do this. Hell, I'll even get a real job if you want. We'll have an endless supply of babysitters...."  
"It's not going to be easy, Mark." she said quietly.   
"Nothing ever is." he replied, pulling her close. She seemed like a child as she slid back in his arms and he kissed the top of her head. "Tell me you'll stay, Kara."  
"I'm scared."  
"So am I. But I want you to stay. "  
"This is going to change everything, Mark."  
"I know. But you have to stay."  
"What if..."  
"Kara, you're staying!" he said, exasperated.   
She laughed and twisted around in his arms to look up at him. "Did I mention I was staying?"  
He grinned back and kissed her forehead gently. "Good."  
He leaned back and grabbed his camera with one hand, flicking it on in one smooth movement. He brought it up in front of them.  
"November 18th. Nine o'clock, standard eastern time. Starting today, I'll be chronicling the pregnancy of my future son or daughter."  
Karalynn laughed and Mark brought the camera up to his eye as she scooted away from him.  
"Focus in on the mother of my child. My child. I'm going to be a father, everyone. And Maureen claimed I had weak sperm..."  
Karalynn laughed again, and then crossed her arms across her chest, giving him a faux scowl.  
"Mark Cohen, you better not follow me around with that thing for the next nine months."  
"Isn't she a sweetheart, folks? Isn't her glare the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? If this is how she is at the start of her pregnancy, imagine what she'd be like by the end!"  
Karalynn put her hand over the lens and Mark lowered the camera, smiling at her. He turned it off and then stood up, helping her up to her feet as well.  
"I guess you're right." he said. "I shouldn't be filming right now. I should be helping you unpack."  
She stared at him as he pulled one shirt out of her suitcase and walked over to the closet, putting it back on a hanger. He looked back at her. "You know this would go faster if you helped." he teased.  
"Mark, what are we going to do after this." she asked, seriously. "Where are we gonna live? What are we..."  
He pulled another shirt out of her suitcase and handed it to her. "Let's get you unpacked first." he said. "We can talk about it then." He noticed the worried look on her face and pulled her against him again, kissing her softly on the lips.  
"Hey, no worries, Kara." he said when they pulled apart. "Whatever happens from now on, we'll be together. Everything will be okay. I promise."   
And he knew it was true.  
She finally gave him the smile he was waiting for and she pulled away, holding the shirt he had handed her up. "Guess I won't be fitting into this in a few months."  
"I don't think you'll be fitting into the doorway in a few months."  
The next thing Mark knew, the shirt was over his head and he could hear her laughing so hard and so sweetly that he imagined their baby was laughing too.   
  
  
Epilogue: My World  
  
I watch Karalynn through the lens of my camera open the second gift. The thick, gold edged book of fairy tales from Collins, lays on the table in front of her. The box Karalynn holds is from Roger and Mimi and she cries out with joy as she pulls out a tiny blue baby nightgown with a matching blanket.   
"Oh Mimi! Roger!" she exclaims. "Thank you guys so much!" She leans forward and with a bit of difficulty, manages to hug Roger, and then Mimi with one arm. Her protruding stomach still proves to be an obstacle for her but in a week or so, it will be all but gone.  
She picks up the baby outfit and waves it at me. "Look, Mark." Her cheeks are pink; full and flushed and her eyes dance in the sunlight. She looks so beautiful and so happy, I feel my breath catch in my throat. I put down my camera a bit and smile at her.  
"Blue. Great color for a boy." I say. "Thanks Roger. Thanks Mimi."  
We are having a boy.   
A boy.   
We're naming it Nicholas, after Karalynn's father.  
Mimi smiles back and waves me over. "Come on, Mark. Put down that camera and sit down with your fiance!" she exclaims. "This is your baby shower too, you know."  
Karalynn looks up and winks at me, waving her hand at me. The ring I gave her the night I proposed sparkles in a thin line of sunlight.   
When I told my mother about Kara, she balked at the thought of her only son not marrying "a nice Jewish girl."   
And then she saw Karalynn.  
Now I'm guessing that my mother already has plans to enter our baby into beauty pagents as soon as he's born.   
I set my old camera down on it's tripod and walk over to the couch where Karalynn sits. Collins makes room for me to sit down next to her and she slips her hand in mine, almost like a reflex action.  
We are back in the loft- Roger and Mimi's loft now to be exact. I moved in with Karalynn soon after I found out she was pregnant.   
I'm still amazed at how my world has changed so much in such a short period of time. A few months ago, an indie film company picked up two of my films- the older one Today 4 U and a new documentary about street artists. Okay, so I'm not famous ("yet" as Karalynn always corrects me) but I do have a decent underground fan base. It's given me enough money to start up a nice savings account.   
Guess I never did have to get a real job.  
I look around at everyone as they look on at Karalynn, opening her next gift.  
"It's from us!" Maureen says, jumping up and down in her seat. She looks excited, as if she is the one opening the gifts.   
Well, that's Maureen for you.   
Pure, unbridled emotion.   
Karalynn stares at the wrapped object in front of her.   
It is shaped like a huge teddy bear, with the ears perfectly outlined in wrapping paper.  
"Gee. I. Wonder. What. It. Is." Karalynn says, slowly. She rolls her eyes but her lips twist up in a smile.   
"I told you we should have put it in a box." Joanne mumbles and Maureen throws her a semi-mean glare. Still together, after all this time. Fighting and viciously in love. But they're happy- even though they break up every other month.  
Mimi giggles and Roger puts his arm around her, smiling at me.   
I know what he's feeling.   
Contentment.   
Happiness.  
Joy.  
They're both still healthy and so far, life is going smoothly. We all know this could change at any moment but for now, we're all just letting ourselves be happy. As Roger once said to Karalynn, we should cherish the moments that make us happy.  
I have no idea when Roger got so deep but I plan to take his advice.  
Mimi finally quit her job at the club (to Roger's utter joy) and went back to school at the community college near by. She even got a job there a few weeks ago. Karalynn's been tutoring her while she's on pregnancy leave from work. With her help, Mimi is whizzing through her courses like a demon. I listen to them study in our apartment sometimes, while I pretend to be tinkering with my camera. Sometimes I get lost in her voice, in the soft, patient modulated tones of her words.  
Impending motherhood has given Karalynn increased kindness and sweetened her temperament- but not by too much.   
Last night she almost bit my head off for finishing her Rocky Road ice cream and not buying more.   
Oh well.  
Karalynn rips off the wrapping paper and pulls out a bright blue teddy bear with a white bow around its neck. I laugh as she hugs it and kisses it on the nose.   
"Nicholas is gonna have to grow into this." Karalynn winks at me and kisses my cheek. She beams at Maureen and Joanne. "Thank you. Both of you. It's adorable."  
Collins hands her another box. "This one's from Benny."  
"Is he still in Seattle?" she asks, putting the box on her lap.  
"Yup. Alison's definitely got him on a tight chain now." Collins says, his eyes twinkling mischievously. Ever since Alison caught him kissing another woman at work and threatened to divorce him, he's had to do everything she tells him to do. He even moved to Seattle, under the guise of a job in one of her father's companies there, to please her.   
But he still calls every now and then, asking about all of us, especially about the baby.   
He may be a prick sometimes, but he's still got a good soul.  
Behind the cash register that is his heart.  
Karalynn lifts off the top of the box and gasps. I leaned in to see what she's looking and feel a jolt of surprise too. Inside is a new hand held camcorder. Top of the line.  
Karalynn opens the card that came with it and reads it out loud.  
"To the gorgeous mother to be (and her lucky fiance- are you sure it's MARK's baby?!),  
Here's a little something I felt might come in handy when Mark's ratty ass camera finally falls apart. I hope everything you capture on film with this thing is filled with only joy, love and happiness. Both of you (or should I say the three of you) deserve the best.   
Best wishes,  
Benny."  
Karalynn looks up with tears in her eyes and puts the card down. "He's not such a bad guy." she says after a moment.  
And then she sniffs.  
Hormones.  
I look at Roger and he smiles back, knowingly.  
"This coming from the woman who threatened to kick my ass." Roger says. "I still remember that day too! You pushed me..."  
"Roger don't you dare go there..."  
"Aw come on, Kara, let him tell us!" Maureen cries out.   
I smile as I listen to them go on. The words blur into a river of comfort around me and I just sit there, taking it all in, letting it wash me clean. My friends, my family, my life- past, present, and future are all contained within these people. I used to long for a community of my own. I used to think I was all alone- the outsider, the observer; always on the outside looking in. But now I know that I was never really alone. I had my friends; the people who would fight for me, fight with me, love me and protect me.   
Everything I ever needed, everything I would ever need is here. In the smiles and laughter of my friends. In the eyes of the woman I love.   
In my future son within her body.   
Angel would have been proud of this moment. She was probably here now, watching over us and laughing at Karalynn and Roger bicker.   
This is my world and these people are my eight wonders. Roger, Collins, Mimi, Maureen, Joanne, Angel, even Benny and especially Karalynn.   
My hand wanders from Karalynn's hand and travels up to her stomach. She is listening to something Collins is saying and I lay my palm on top of her belly.   
He is in there.  
Nicholas.  
My son.  
The ninth wonder of my world. 


End file.
